Thank the Lord that I am a fan of footed pajamas because those, my friend, saved the day.

Remember when I referred to snot explosions? Well, now we are suffering from explosions of a different kind altogether. This explosion was well-contained and well-concealed though in super cute footed pajamas.

Now Ethan and mommy got to both take a bath so we are at least clean and I am officially out of my pajamas- whoo-hoo!

I told you that this must be the most boring day ever if I am blogging about this…And whoever must be reading this is probably having a more boring day then myself.

Well, at least I am in good company.

So I finally saw the ghost today….

Nah, not really, but that is how boring my life is these days. I am now making up stories just to keep the two people that read this (two=me & my hubby) interested in reading about my not-so-interesting life.

Today was (guess what?) another unofficial snow day! Ethan was a sick little guy this morning with a hacking cough and a nose that just couldn’t seem to stop running. Every single time he sneezes, I literally bolt over to him because he is having those nasty explosive sneezes and either does not care when this happens or doesn’t seem to notice that he is covered in snot. Any mother of a toddler, who can’t blow their nose, knows exactly what I am talking about when I say EXPLOSIVE!

The only good part about him being sick is that I can get unlimited snuggle time, which he no longer has time for, and he wears his pajamas all day long (the cute footed zip-up kind) which I think are the cutest things in the whole world.

I, unfortunately, do not look quite as cute in my pajamas because they consist of two pieces of clothing that I found in the dark and threw on before falling into bed at midnight and passing out. I also have had two cups of coffee, no food, and have not taken a shower and the time is approaching the 2PM hour. I am the absolutely PERFECT candidate for why stay-at-home moms can get such a bad rap.

But, hey, who the heck cares! I deserve an unofficial snow day and as long as I get dressed before the hubby gets home, who will be the wiser??

Wait, honey, do you actually read this?

Hurrah for snow days!!

Good ol’ Indiana has gotten a heck of a lot of snow today so we are unofficially snowed in today. I had made plans today to go to a friend’s house (*waving at Christina*) and looked out my window and could not even see our next door neighbor’s house. There was tons of blowing snow and crappy winds and I realized that as much as I love my girlfriends and as much as I would like to escape my house, I also realized that I do not drive in snow conditions like that.

I also prefer not to drive in regular snow, rain, sleet, hail, or dry and normal conditions. Basically, if you were planning a fun trip and wanted someone to carpool with you or maybe help with the driving, I am not your girl. I am definitely your girl if you want someone to sing along with you to the radio, talk about random crap out the window, comment on road kill (I provide quite fascinating commentary on this and even do faces of the animals that we see), or assist (using the term loosely) with directions.

Short Disclaimer: Just to clarify on the directions, I do not “read” maps, I read things that say, “Turn left on Elm Street.” Those jokes for maps that people draw for me will lead you absolutely nowhere that you originally had planned. I also would like to clarify that if you are offering me directions, you will need directions that are printed out in reverse too because I cannot read backwards and you will end up somewhere further from your location then you had hoped for. Please do not tell me this is easy because it is not for me. Also, if you would like to get to your destination in the “estimated time” that MapQuest suggests, then I highly recommend not accompanying me and my husband together on any trips. We have never made it anywhere near the estimated time offered and all of our car trips usually end in threats of divorce and/or me getting out of the car and crying like a big baby and my husband slamming his hands on the steering wheel. Thank you!

Anywho, instead of running around town all day I have gotten to spend loads of time on the phone talking to people. While I was talking to people, Ethan had been begging to watch that stupid show, “Maisy” again. We have Tivo so we tape episodes for him, but currently we only have two episodes taped. He is sick and I am not in the mood for entertaining so I think he has watched these a total of ten times today. When it ends, he cries and begs for me to get the camera (aka- remote control) and put his favorite show back on again. I keep replaying the same two episodes and head upstairs to unload the dishwasher. I hang up the phone and start to make his lunch and notice that his show is over and he is not crying. Instead, my little guy is sound asleep with his head in a pillow and blanket all wrapped around him. God knows how long he had been sleeping while I am gabbing on the phone and being a bad mom to him. I hauled him to his bed and have made a pact with myself that I will not be answering my phone anymore today and I am just going to be supermom the rest of the day. It is Ethan’s lucky day because he is going to get his mommy all to himself. It is my lucky day though too because maybe this is a reminder to get my priorities in check?? Or maybe it is a reminder that I need to Tivo more, “Maisy.” Whatever the reason, it should be a good day!

Now let’s see…where are those darn directions for taping shows on Tivo? Hmmm…They say to push the left button. Now when they say left, do they really mean right? I think that is what they really meant so let’s start with pushing the right button….

This week I discovered that my child is starting to have quite the imagination. He is just beginning to make up stories with his Thomas trains and Little People sets. They are quite elaborate stories of car crashes, going up really tall mountains, and someone always saying, “Oh no!” I really enjoy listening to him from another room and getting to be part of his story without him knowing that I am. Isn’t it fun to spy on our kids?

I have also found his baby monitor gives me the inside scoop on what he thinks about before he goes to bed. Usually he is reading his story to himself or singing a song. The latest song on his Billboard charts is, “Jingle Bells.” He starts out strong belting, “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way…” Then the rest of his lyrics start to get a little fuzzy. He then sings, “Oh what fun it is najlweylkwjerlkjwerlkfjal;kjf;alkfjalkfja, hey!” And yes, it really does sound like that to us. I have realized that unless he gets his act together soon that he will not be trying out for American Idol next season. You can imagine our disappointment in him.

Now I am TOTALLY loving that my kid has a wild imagination, that is up until recently. As I am even typing this, I realize that we will never be able to sell our home again after I disclose this piece of information on here, but I have a confession… Ethan has discovered a ghost.

Now I realize that at some stage children become afraid of the boogie man and the dark, but this is creepier then that. My child is not afraid of the ghost and is rather matter of fact about it all. He actually likes the ghost and has made friends with him.

For instance, I am home with Ethan by himself and he will come into the kitchen and say, “Look mommy, the ghost.” Not scared at all- just trying to inform his mother who is just a teeny bit freaked out about the supernatural and not really wanting to know if there is a ghost in our home or not. At first I would say things like, “A ghost? Well, where is he?” Ethan would then say, “In there (*pointing to our front room*). Under the table.”

I have now made the discovery that I would rather NOT know where the ghost is residing although Ethan continues to give me a play by play on which room he is moving to. “Oh no! Ghost is upstairs,” he will say. “Ghost went downstairs now. Bye ghost.” He is reporting all of this in his sweet tiny little two year-old voice. A voice, in my opinion, that should not even utter the word “ghost” as far as his momma is concerned.

Now tell me- wouldn’t you be freaked out??

Can’t we go back to the elaborate Little People stories or the Thomas the Tank Engine stories? What ever happened to the sweet innocent stories of Thomas being pushed by the nasty Troublesome Trucks? What happened to Thomas being laughed at by Percy for being so small? Wait now that I think about it, I don’t particularly care for those story lines either…

The unfortunate thing about our ghost though is that once you have crossed over to the Dark Side that there is no turning back. The supernatural is going to be a part of our everyday life or, at the least, until Ethan comes up with a new story.

Oh, and the ghost said to tell you all hello and boogity, boogity, boo!

Mommy: Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. The angels watch me through the night and guide me into morning light. God bless…..(*waiting*)….mommy.

Ethan: Mommy right here.

Mommy: Yes, I am right here.

Mommy: God bless… (*waiting*) Ethan

Ethan: There I are!

Mommy: Yes, Ethan is here too. God bless…..(*waiting*) daddy.

Ethan: Oh no!

Mommy: What?

Ethan: Oh no! Where daddy go?

Mommy: Daddy is downstairs working and we are praying, remember? God bless….(*waiting*) Grandma & Grandpa.

Ethan: Grandpa, where are you? Grandpa?

Mommy: Grandpa isn’t here. Remember, we are praying for Grandpa? God bless…(*waiting and then speed praying*) AuntieCindyUncleEricNanaGrandadGrannyPaAuntieLindsayUncleJohn & Fergiethecat

Ethan: Oh no! Kitty downstairs and then she jumpded up high.

Mommy: Yes, kitty is downstairs. And God bless everyone else. In Jesus name, Amen.

Ethan: Amen

This past week I have been searching through other mommy blogs and have been trying to get a feel for what others blog about. Guess what I discovered? I be dumb.

These mommy writers are using words that I have never even heard of. The titles of their blogs are amazing, but I have to use a dictionary just to find out what I am reading. I read the entries and then I read all of the comments from the readers and realize that everyone else gets it, but me. They are all writing things like, “BRILLIANT! I have never laughed so hard in my life! Your ability to dominate and rule the English language make your blog a stand out!” Another entry reads, “Unbelievable the use of imagery and the parallels that correlate to your life and Martha Stewart’s. It truly was astounding!” Yet, I can’t even read the first sentence without reaching for my dictionary.

In short, it makes me feel stupid.

I will make a little confession though and then you will realize why I can’t probably figure all of these words out. I dropped out of college. Yup, I just decided that I was smarter then all these yahoos that were sitting around learning about whatever the heck you learn about in college and I up and left. You see, I don’t need to sit in some chair and be taught things when I realized I could be out livin’ life, you know what I’m sayin’? I was all learnin’ life skills in the hood while these people were learning prepositions. Tell me, who is going to be more successful? A college graduate or me? I mean, come on!

In efforts to prove how I can be smart in my blog, I am now going to copy/paste my blog entry that I entered into Microsoft Word using the brilliant feature called the thesaurus. Here is my new and (extremely) smart blog entry:

This past week I have been probing through other mommy blogs and have been demanding to get a sense for what others blog about. Guess what I revealed? I be dim.

These mommy dramatists are using vocabulary that I have, by no means, even heard of. The titles of their blogs are remarkable, but I have to use a dictionary just to find out what I am reading. I read the entries and then I read all of the commentary from the readers and realize that everyone else acquires it, but me. They are all writing things like, “BRILLIANT! I have never expressed amusement so hard in my life! Your ability to dominate and rule the English language make your blog notable!” Another entry reads, “Unbelievable the use of imagery and the parallels that correlate to your livelihood and Martha Stewart’s. It truly was astounding!” Yet, I can’t even read the first sentence without attaining my dictionary.

In brief, it makes me feel dim-witted.

I will make a little declaration of guilt though and then you will become conscious of why I can’t, in all probability, form all of these words out. I dropped out of college. Of course, I just decided that I was brighter then all these yahoos that were sitting around gaining wisdom about whatsoever the heck you become skilled at in the academy and I departed. You see, I don’t need to sit in some chair and be trained things when I realized I could be out living existence, you know what I’m articulating? I was all learning life skills in the hood while these citizens were learning prepositions. Tell me, whom is going to be more victorious? A college graduate or me? I mean, come on!

In labors to provide evidence on how I can be clever in my blog, I am now going to copy/paste my blog entry that I record into Microsoft Word using the luminous feature called the thesaurus. Here is my innovative and (exceedingly) intelligent blog admission…

See, even the stupid can sound smart with the aid of Microsoft Word. If you are ever feeling dim-witted or unedumakated, I highly recommend utlizing this feature on their program.

If you do not care about sounding intelligent, at the very least, the feature will really up your score in Scrabble. Just ask my husband when the last time was that he won a game. Do it nicely though because he truly is not dim-witted and he can kick your butt if you start getting smarty-smarty with him.

See how I am already behind on this whole blog thing? I had vowed to do it daily and I have already fallen off the blog-wagon. Please forgive me (the two people in the world that read this, which include myself and my husband) for already getting behind. Due to technical difficulites, I have been unable to post, but I am hoping that we are back on track again.

Well, Friday was a good day for MomAdvice. We had our first local interview and it wasn’t featuring me talking about something, it was just about my site. How cool is that? Thanks to our local news station and Jennie Runevitch for featuring us on their Money-Saving Tips segment. It was an exciting day for us. The best part about the entire thing though was that our little Ethan was going to be in the news segment with me and I couldn’t wait to see him more than myself.

On Monday, the day of our show airing, I was terribly sick to my stomach worrying about what our segment would look like on their show. I have discovered that I am not very good in interviews, that I do not like how I look on film, and that I usually sound like I am not the brightest crayon in the box. Obviously, with all of that in mind, I was quite nervous.

At five o’clock we headed down to our family room to watch the news and we tried to stress the importance of this show to Ethan. In excited voices we said, “Mommy is going to be on the television, isn’t that fun, Ethan? Aren’t you so excited to see mommy?”

This question was met with a “No mommy! Dora!”

I admit I have no singing backpack or a naked little friend that only wears knee-high boots that accompanies me places (BTW- I think if I did my job title might be pimp, gigilo, or something equally cool..). I also realize that I sure as heck can’t read a map as good as Dora, but COME ON!

Yes, I am aware that Dora is fluent in two languages and I only know the lowly English language, but I have something working for me that Dora doesn’t….You see, I don’t have a sneaky thief following me around trying to snatch my purse. Comprendo, Dora? I also wouldn’t take peaceful measures and chant a mantra (Swiper, no swiping. Swiper, no swiping. Swiper, no swiping…) if someone was trying to take something that belonged to me. I would beat the crap out of that person and then I would drag him over to the prison to let THE MAN deal with him. And if you don’t know THE MAN, then you don’t know crap! THE MAN is serious and there would be no more purse stealin’ going on anymore.

SO, in short, I basically poo-pooed the idea of watching Dora and we got to watch mommy and Ethan instead. All I can say is that those people know their stuff. Strategic editing and amazing camera angles, coupled with good lighting, almost made me sound intelligent. It was really exciting to Tivo myself although I wasn’t half as interesting as this season’s American Idol (go Mario!! WOO-HOO!!)

Although I came in second place to Dora, Ethan did enjoy seeing himself on television and it was a historic moment for our family and for our site.

Thanks to all of the locals who have been so sweet to visit our site!

Oh, and Swiper, better watch your back!

Today an article was released on this year’s Toy Fair. This year many of the companies that are participating are going high-tech for the kiddos. Dolls will now know your children’s name, blood type, and Social Security Number. Not only will your dolls be programmable, giving your child the love and attention that you can’t give them, but they will also cost at least $39.99 and require four hundred AA batteries.

I remember how high-tech we felt when purchases were made for the beloved Chicken Dance Elmo and Hokey Pokey Elmo. Unfortunately, Elmo is no longer dancing, but instead you now can program your children’s private information into it via your computer. Now Elmo will be chanting things like, “ETHAN, I love your special BLANKET. ETHAN, are you playing your favorite game of RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR DADDY WHEN HE TRIES TO GIVE YOU A BATH? ETHAN, I bet that is fun!” All of this will be in that awful high-pitched Elmo voice. I can see already that there will be lines at the toy stores and parents selling these demonic dolls on Ebay for a gazillion dollars.

Even more mind-blowing is that Crayola has jumped on the high-tech bandwagon. Crayola representatives laugh about how kids used to put a crayon to paper. “How lame was that?” they scoff. Now we need to hook up our coloring books to the television so kids can make their images on the big screen instead of the crayon drawings that we once hung on our refrigerators.

Can I just say, what the heck happened to Lincoln Logs? Here is another thing I miss…I know that it really is overrated, but um…what about that thing we call the imagination?

Newsweek is running an issue of their magazine (Feb 21) with the cover story being, “The Myth of the Perfect Mother.” It is always fun to see how mothers are portrayed through the media and these articles offer both encouraging & discouraging advice (in my own humble opinion). I am going to take a few quotes from the articles and break them down into how they translate into my own role as a mother. Here we go…

The Good Enough Mother by Anna Quindlen
“There’s the problem with turning motherhood into martyrdom. There’s no way to do it and have a good time.”

Alright, I see your point about the whole martyr thing, but that has been working for me for years. You see, the only way I can get my husband to help me with my son is if I play the martyr. And if I cry about overscheduling myself and the pressures of picking a good preschool, making sure my child knows all he needs to know in preparation for his IQ test, and doing all of this while baking my perfectly-perfect banana bread in my perfectly-perfect apron (we have to eat, right?) then I receive sympathy and make my mommy friends feel like they aren’t doing enough for their own children. Ultimately, they will want to be me. Martyrhood causes guilt all around me and I think it is working wonders for all of my relationships and guess what, Anna?? I am having a good time. Maybe those around me aren’t, but I’m the mom and I like being a martyr. It makes me feel like the world couldn’t function without me.

The most incandescent memories of my childhood are of making my mother laugh. My kids did the same for me.

Wow, you made your mother laugh? Holy cow! I made my mom cry… A LOT! You are so lucky!

A good time is what they remember long after toddler programs and art projects are over. The rest is just scheduling.

JUST SCHEDULING! Wow, Anna, now you are stepping on my toes. I happen to take pride in the fact that I have an organized activity arranged for my child every single day. To be honest, I think that Ethan would refer to this as his “good time” and having free time is really for lazy children. Someday when your children have no skills or hobbies (I think you would have discovered this by age two), my child will be composing concertos, developing the “new,new,newest math” for the elementary children, and making his political debut talking on the effects of gangsta rap on children. And what would your children have been doing at this age? Drawing with chalk on the driveway, laughing, and having unorganized and unorthodox fun? Hmmm… I think I have made my point.

Mommy Madness by Judith Warner

Some of the mothers appeared to have lost nearly all sense of themselves as adult women. They dressed in kids’ clothes—overall shorts and go-anywhere sandals.

Go-anywhere sandals? Um, you lost me? Are those the comfy-type shoes that go well with overall shorts? OH…now I know what you are talking about. Now it’s been a couple of weeks since I taped an episode of “What Not to Wear,” but I swear that those catty little divas on that show said, “Go-anywhere shoes were the next black.” Might want to check with your stylist though on that one.

They were so depleted by the affection and care they lavished upon their small children that they had no energy left, not just for sex, but for feeling like a sexual being. “That part of my life is completely dead,” a working mother of two told me. “I don’t even miss it. It feels like it belongs to another life. Like I was another person.”


Stop lavishing affection and care on your children, working mother of two. What the heck? Save that stuff for your hubby. When your kid starts hugging you, push them away. Tell them there is only enough love in the house for one person and that they aren’t it. Problem solved.

There was something new, too: the tendency many women had to feel threatened by other women and to judge them harshly—nowhere more evident than on Urbanbaby and other, similarly “supportive” web sites. Can I take my 17-month-old to the Winnie the Pooh movie?, one mom queried recently. “WAY tooooo young,” came one response.

Something new? Women making other women feel threatened and judging them harshly? I think that goes way back into the Dark Ages. I have not only gotten this in motherhood, but I have gotten it in high school, college, and work. Women are mean to each other. That is our job!

By the way, who asks if it is okay to take their 17-month-old to Winnie the Pooh? I would have suggested that the mother & her husband have a date night and catch the latest Winnie the Pooh flick and then judge for themselves. There is no hotter date night then snuggling up with your sweetie while Tigger is doing his, “Bouncy,bouncy” dance. Definitely worth the money spent on the sitter and the movie.

Meet the Slacker Mom by Peg Tyre

You won’t catch Muffy Mead-Ferro at a toddler fitness class. When it comes to enriching after-school activities, she’s not ferrying her kids to traveling soccer or French lessons either. She lets them amuse themselves in a mud puddle in the backyard instead.

Being your kid must suck. Seriously! Amusing yourself in a mud puddle in the backyard versus French lessons. I think she is just trying to save money.

Dinner wasn’t fancy,” she says. “My mother just didn’t have the time, the focus or the inclination to put on that kind of show.”

THAT kind of show…I think that was a direct insult to my perfectly-perfect banana bread and my perfectly-perfect apron. You see, lady, I AM that kind of show. And I get a standing ovation every single night while your kids eat Spaghetti-o’s or Lucky Charms.

She wants her kids to tolerate fr
ustration and setbacks, to be self-reliant and conscious of the needs of others, and above all to grow up to think for themselves.

And I just want my kid to be a robot and live with me until he is forty. I see that we have different goals for our kids.

Seriously, all joking aside, these articles do bring up good and valuable points about what we are doing to our kids and what we are doing to ourselves. When there are books coming out (and probably selling a lot of copies) called, “Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety,” it starts to make me nervous. Should I be anxious? Am I “perfectly mad?”

We all want the best for our kids, but if my sanity comes into question, then I would like to bow out of the competition. You all can go nuts without me!

Yesterday I came home from my book club and my husband greeted me with, “Guess what? I have made a link to your blog from your website!”

Panic begins to set in and I start to feel my heart begin to beat faster. I start to sweat and then I read, read, and reread again my posts (as limited as they may seem). I start to wonder what my family is going to think about all of this and how I can write trash about my life, family, or friends if they are now reading all of this information. Then I began to want to add disclaimers to my posts in case someone should read it and be offended by it. For example…

My husband was being a real jerk last night and he didn’t wash the dishes. I went downstairs in the morning to make my morning cup of joe and instead I have nasty coffee sitting in my coffee pot from yesterday and I am so grossed out by it that I can’t make my frickin’ cup of coffee. And then I have a caffeine hangover for the entire day and I curse him repeatedly, as my head throbs, for not doing the dishes. I curse him again as I am trying to make dinner and not a single dish that I need is clean and how DARE HE not do the dishes. Does he think I am the maid? Some indentured servant? A stupid WIFE!

** Short Disclaimer**
Um, honey if you are reading this, I am just really trying to be funny. The whole part about cursing you is TOTALLY not true. I woke up in the morning and was delighted to see dishes everywhere and sang your praises all day for breaking me of that nasty coffee addiction. I also sang your praises again as I got so much time to reflect on you and the life that we share as I unloaded and then reloaded the dishwasher and then got the blessed opportunity to serve you dinner. Thank you for all that you do AND don’t do in my life because it makes me a better wife, mother, and friend.


See what I mean?? Now all the fun is taken out of my blog- this sucks!

Now I realize that my blog was public information the second I put it up, but I never shared the blog with anyone so, as far as I was concerned, the information was private. Once we created a link to it from our site though I have the potential four thousand (give or take) people a month reading all about my private life. It was kind of nice to keep my site and my private life separate, but let’s face it! I am an open book now.

I will be coming up to friends and thinking up a funny story to share with them that happened the day before and I will see them looking at the scenery behind me. They will then inform me that my story was “Soooo like, yesterday because we have already read that blog entry” (no, I have no friends who actually talk like this) and I will feel empty and rather depressed. I will have to kick my game up big time and now I will not be sleeping. Instead I will be coming up with witty remarks for both my personal life AND my blog.

And then suddenly I realize- who the heck cares?

This is me! This is the kind of wife, mother, and friend I am. Admittedly, lousy at times, but real and true to myself. If you find yourself offended by my blog- don’t read it. It will offend me more if you do!!

So, um…seriously, are people really going to be reading this?

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