Archive for the ‘Parenting & Marriage’ Category

Online Chat Safety

Monday, April 23rd, 2007

CEO of IMSafer and board member of the Family Online Safety Institute, Brandon Watson, takes time out to answer a few of my questions about online chat safety for children.

At what age is it appropriate for children to begin chatting through community sites?

This depends on the maturity of each child. As a general rule, 11 is a reasonable age for a child to begin instant messaging.

Are there sites out there geared towards specific age groups?

There are a number of social networking sites geared towards children. Sites such as imbee.com and Famster give parents control over their children’s account and provide safeguards against predators. Some other good sites are ClubPenguin and Webkinz. Those two seem to be more palatable for kids, and prove the age old axiom that kids go where their friends go, not where their parents want them to go.

When is it appropriate for a child to have a computer in their room for chatting?

This is a decision that only a parent can make and varies by the child. But if you are not comfortable with your children alone in their room with a boyfriend or girlfriend you should keep the computer in a public area for the entire family to see. It’s much easier to have private conversations on a computer than on a phone, making it easier for things to get out of hand online.

What are some basic rules we should teach our children when it comes to chatting on the internet? Is there specific information that you should encourage your child to never give out?

Educate your kids on the reality of the Internet and talk to them about dangers when speaking to someone online. Maintaining an open dialogue is the key to keeping your children safe online.

When a stranger does start talking to them online and asks personal questions, kids need to be able to tell their parents and not get in trouble. A significant number of children say strangers have approached them online and not only did they feel they had done something wrong—they felt like they were in danger.

How do you keep your child safe from online predators?

I always advise parents use the following tips to keep their children safe online:

  • Online safety should be a collaborative effort. Discuss it with your children, don’t lecture them
  • Don’t put all your confidence in web filters. Remember they do not keep kids from developing relationships online
  • Ask your child for help. Your kids spend all day on the computer. Who better to learn from than them?
  • Make sure the tools you use are non-invasive. Remember that if your kids think you’re spying on them, they will find ways around being tracked
  • Take action immediately. When you become aware of dangerous online communication, don’t wait to take action

What are some tips for parents for monitoring their children while still giving them their privacy?

Like I emphasize to all parents, online safety is a collaborative effort. When parents sign up with us at IMSafer, we recommend that they log into the account and show their kids what it allows them to see—that parents cannot access full conversations, thus giving the kids space they need to grow and feel independent. This way it becomes a team effort to keep children safe online rather than an adversarial relationship. You have to remember that even for a tech savvy parent, kids have more time than you do to circumvent the filtering software. If they do choose to work around your rules or software they’ll be left completely unprotected and you will be unaware.

Cloth Diapering 101

Sunday, September 10th, 2006

If you think of diaper pins and plastic pants when you think of cloth diapering, you have not seen the cloth diapers for today’s mom. Cloth diapers are a far cry from this image, and cloth diapering is definitely something to explore when you are a frugal mother. The days of origami, accidentally sticking your child with pins, and sloshing diapers in the toilet to rinse them are the diapering days of our mothers. I am here to tell you that cloth diapering is easy, affordable, and is worth every moment of your time and dollar investment. You will not believe how easy it is or how rewarding the process of cloth diapering is- both financially and environmentally.

First, let me begin my stating, I am not as earth-conscious as I should or could be. If you saw me, you would probably see me as just an average mom. I am not a tree-hugger and I am not a naturalist. I am not the stereotypical mother that many of you may think of when thinking of cloth diapering. I am just a mom who enjoys saving a buck. That is how I began the process of exploring cloth diapering. There was no noble cause or hidden agenda. I am just like you and I like to save my family money. Period.

Let’s begin my answering those questions you might have about cloth diapering…

How much money do you really save?

Everyone talks about how much money you can save with cloth diapering, but how much money are we really talking about? Let me start out by saying that you can make cloth diapering as expensive or as inexpensive as you want to. As with all things, there are the Cadillacs of the cloth diaper industry and the Pintos of the industry.  Your savings will be different depending on what you have decided to purchase.

For disposable diapers, the average cost per diaper nationwide is $0.28 per diaper.  If your child is not potty-trained until 3 ½ and you change your child every two hours, for fifteen hours (not changing during the time they are sleeping), you will average approximately eight diapers per day. Eight diapers per day would not be accurate when they are a newborn, but this is probably the average amount of diapers you would use on any given day. The total cost for this figure (3 ½ years, 8 diaper changes per day) would be $2,862.72.

For cloth diapering, the costs range widely and it is hard to give exact figures on how much these cost. Cloth diapering (including the cost of cloth wipes & laundering) can range between $400-1300 dollars. This figure ultimately depends on whether or not you choose the Cadillac diapers or the Pintos.  Regardless of the style that you chose, you still come out financially ahead by using the cloth versus the disposable.

What are the different types of diapers out there?

When I first began researching cloth diapering, I was really overwhelmed trying to figure out what types of diapers went with what, which was the best kind, and what the heck all of these abbreviations were. For me, it was literally like learning another language entirely. I had no idea what went with what or what people were referring to when discussing cloth diapering systems.  To help alleviate this problem, let me share with you what I have learned.

Prefolds:

Prefolds are the types of diapers you probably think of when you are considering cloth diapering.  They are a traditional cloth diaper with a thick strip down the middle. These are typically worn with a diaper cover and are one of the least expensive options for cloth diapering.  They come in three sizes- Preemie (4-10 pounds), Infant (newborn to 15 pounds) & Premium (15-30 pounds).

There are different types of prefolds out there and many abbreviations for them. A DSQ Prefold, simply means that it is Diaper Service Quality versus the type of diaper you would find in your discount store. They are more absorbent than the Gerber brand and are the type that you would pay money for from a diaper service company.  CPF stands for Chinese Prefold and it is the most popular type of prefold on the market. It has heavy-duty stitching, is usually made of twill, and washes up extremely well. Another option for prefolds are Indian Prefolds which are softer than the CPF and are made of gauze rather than twill. They are more absorbent, but do wear out a little faster than the Chinese Prefolds.

When your child outgrows the Infant or Preemie size diapers, you can reuse these for dust rags or they can be used as a diaper stuffer or to double up your stuffing at nighttime. We used a hemp insert & a prefold in our daughter’s pocket diaper before she went to bed. It makes for a bulky diaper, but we have never ever woke up to her being soaked in the morning.

Diaper Covers:

If you are interested in using the prefolds, you will probably want to purchase waterproof diaper covers too.  A prefold can be folded inside of the diaper cover and the diaper cover simply covers the prefold and acts as a waterproof barrier.

Fitted Diapers:

Fitted diapers can also be used with Diaper Covers. Instead of using a prefold, you can use a fitted diaper, which has elastic gathering around the legs and usually has snaps or a Velcro closure to keep the diaper together.  Place the diaper cover over the fitted diaper, and you are ready to go. These types of diapers are less expensive than other options, however, they are more expensive then using prefolds. Despite the cost, these got the thumbs up from my husband who found them to be much easier to use than the prefolds (particularly in the middle of the night).

Contoured Diapers:

These diapers are very similar to the fitted, but are missing the elastic gatherings around the legs and waist. The diaper has wings that need to be fastened. These also require a diaper cover.

Pocket Diapers:

Pocket diapers are usually made with two layers of fabric sewn together to form a pocket for an absorbent insert. This type of diaper just fastens on and does not need a diaper cover over it.

Inserts:

Inserts are used for pocket diapers. They can be made of a variety of materials- micro-terrycloth, regular terry cloth, hemp, or you can just use prefolds as inserts. “Doubling up” just means using more than one insert, which you could do if you were away for an extended amount of time or at nighttime before bed, to discourage leaking.

All In One:

You will often see this term abbreviated to AIO. An All In One is a cloth diaper that has a waterproof cover and an absorbent inner liner that is all in one piece, thus the name. These diapers fasten usually with a hook/loop or snap fasteners. The choice fabric for these is usually wool, for the outer layer. These types of diapers are heavily relied on by a lot of parents who need a convenient diaper for daycare or for babysitters.

One Size Diaper:

You will often see this term abbreviated to OS. A one size diaper usually fits the child from the day they are born until they are thirty to thirty-five pounds. These diapers usually have snaps that go across the diaper (making it smaller or bigger) and they can be folded over to create smaller sizes.  As the child grows, the snaps on the legs can become larger.

Wool Soaker:

A wool soaker is a diaper cover that is made exclusively of wool. This type of fabric has a high lanolin content, so it works well as a diaper cover. It can hold up to forty percent of its weight in moisture and can be used with fitted, contour, or prefold cloth diapers.

What do I need to get started?

The answer to this question depends on how much you want to invest to begin and how often you want to do laundry. If you are doing a load a day of laundry, you would need enough to do six to eight changes. If you plan to only do laundry every other day, then you would probably need enough to change your little one twelve to sixteen times.

When I began cloth diapering, I bought two dozen infant prefolds, four diaper covers, and had twenty pocket diapers. I could wash diapers every three or four days, which worked well for our family. It was a big initial investment, but I also remembered how many times we had to change our first child during those first few weeks. There was also that horrible thing that happens to kid when you start changing them, where you think they are done…but they are just fooling you. Some diaper changes would take two or three diapers before the diaper changing was all said and done.  I live by the philosophy of being over prepared rather than underprepared.  The amount that I bought worked best for us, but may be too much or too little for your own family.

I also knew that between nursing my daughter and chasing after my toddler, I would not really want to be running down to throw another load in every half day, so I just bought more to help reduce the stress of doing the laundry.

As my daughter has gotten older, we have needed less and less diapers so I have bought less as she has moved up a size.

Other items worth purchasing before you begin cloth diapering- cloth wipes (a couple dozen), a diaper pail (I used a trash can with a flip top lid), two wet bags (so you have one to line the pail while a load is in the wash), a diaper sprayer (if you plan to rinse your diapers), and a small wet bag that you can use to keep your dirty diapers in your diaper bag.

How do I launder and care for the diapers?

The answer to this question depends on a couple of different factors. One factor is if you plan to resell them and the other factor is the type of diapers that you buy.  Each person develops their own system.

My daughter was exclusively breastfed for the first six months so taking care of her diapers was very easy. The diapers were thrown into a trash can (lined with a waterproof wet bag) and I did not rinse them or dispose of anything inside of them.

As your child ages and they begin eating solids, their poop becomes more solid.  With my pocket diapers, I can just shake the solids into the toilet and throw them in my wet bag, just like before. You can also purchase a diaper sprayer, which attaches to your toilet, and give your diapers a spray to insure all of the solids have been removed from the diaper.  Another option would be to purchase a diaper liner which would act as a barrier between the diaper and the solids. You would just pull the liner out (solids and all) and either throw it away or flush it down the toilet (if the liners are flushable).  Please note that a diaper liner is not absorbent- you cannot use this in place of an insert. These just act as a barrier, not as an absorber.

All of these diapers were then thrown into the washing machine. I put in two tablespoons of detergent (any kind works great, although I have heard that the cheaper brands work better than the more expensive types). I then selected hot/cold, heavy duty cycle, with a second rinse.  In the beginning, I did a cold pre-rinse, but I found that the diapers washed up just as well without it so I omitted this from my routine.

After the diapers were done washing, I then threw all of the prefolds and diaper inserts into the dryer and dried them on medium-high heat. The diaper covers and pocket diapers were all line dried. These dry quickly and were usually dry by the time the inserts & prefolds were dry.

If there was any staining on them, I would hang them on our line outside. The sun acted as a bleaching agent and took any staining out of them, literally within a couple of hours.

Never ever use any fabric softener or fabric softener sheets when washing your diapers. The fabric softener leaves a residue that can cause your diapers to no longer absorb.

You will want to check the manufacturer’s guidelines for each particular type of diaper that you buy on how to launder it and if it needs several washes before being used (prefolds & inserts usually need a few washes before use). Read those guidelines and use your own best judgment on how you choose to launder your items.

I planned to resell our diapers, when we were done using them, so it was important that all of my diapers were line dried and well-cared for.  The diapers were in excellent condition when I sold them and I was able to get a higher dollar for them then if they had went through several dozen times in the dryer.

What if my diapers start leaking?

This may require a stripping of your diapers. If your diapers have been absorbing fine and all of a sudden the diapers stop absorbing, they may need to be stripped.

First, make sure that the diaper is still fitting your child well. Make sure that the snaps are snug on the legs and that the diaper has enough rise in it for it to completely cover their backside.

If the diaper is fitting well, you can strip your diapers and see if that increases the absorbency. You strip the diapers by running them through the wash until you see that there are no suds in the water. Sometimes the detergent can build up on them and this causes the decrease in absorbency. Two or three washes (without detergent) should do the job.

I have cloth diapered for almost a year now and never once have I had any issues with leaking diapers. I have never stripped them- ever. I think it is important to just not use a ton of soap- two tablespoons does the trick in our house and our diapers always smell fresh and clean.

I have black & brown spotting on my diapers- what could that be from?

Diaper rash creams can leave spotting on your diapers. Make sure to only use diaper creams that say that they are safe to be used with cloth diapers. Most companies that sell cloth diapers will have some types of creams that they can recommend to you.

When I needed to use diaper cream on my daughter, I just put a disposable liner in her diaper and put her regular cream on. This kept the cream from touching the diaper, and then I didn’t have to invest any money into special creams.

What about the smell factor?

To be honest, this was one of my main concerns about cloth diapering. In the beginning, there was no smell factor at all because breastfed baby poop does not smell. Now that she is older, the diapers can really smell.

There were precautionary things I did to reduce the diaper pail smell. I put a plug-in next to the diaper pail to help reduce the smell. I also wetted a wash cloth and sprinkled two drops of tea tree oil on the washcloth and threw it into the pail, which kept the smells to a minimum. On occasion, I would sprinkle baking soda into my wet bag to cut down on the odor.  They also sell diaper pail discs that you can stick into your wet bag or pail to reduce the smell. I thought the tea tree oil was a little less expensive and used this so it would be a little easier on my wallet.

I think the smell factor is no worse than a disposable diaper and the Diaper Genie that we used with our son. Diapers smell whether they are disposable or cloth.

What do you do when you are going to be away for a long time? Did you purchase disposable diapers?

During the day, I have no problems keeping my daughter dry, just doing our regular routine of one insert. If I know that we will be away for more than a few hours,  I just keep a stash of cloth diapers in my wet bag with me so that I could do the diaper change. Another option would be to just double up your insert or add an extra layer to your diaper.

Yes, there were times where we were out and about and leaking had occurred. This was usually my own fault because I had not changed her as soon as I should have.  Having done disposable diapers with our son though, I feel that we had no less and no more leaking than we would have normally.

The best part that I have found with cloth diapering is that these diapers stand up to the frequent blow outs that occur during the wee hours of the morning. When we had our son in disposable, we would traipse into his room in the middle of the night, change his pajamas, change the sheets, and stumble back into bed. When you are up to doing that kind of stuff, it can feel like an eternity. With cloth diapering, however, we have had no blow outs.  If you were considering doing cloth diapering part-time, doing it in the evenings is highly recommended!

Would you recommend cloth diapering with a newborn?

I didn’t find this to be as difficult as everyone claimed it would be.  I did buy a box of newborn disposable diapers, just in case the cloth diapering wasn’t going well.  My daughter was very tiny and we ended up having to buy preemie diapers for her because of her petite size. That was the only reason why I didn’t cloth diaper the first two weeks.  Once she was big enough to fit in them, we never looked back.

The laundry was not as much of an issue as I thought it would be either. When you have a new baby, you are already running around like a crazy woman throwing in load after load. One more load just didn’t seem as bad because of the frequency that I was doing laundry.

There is also a lot to be said about how washing diapers is just not optional. You have to wash them because your baby needs them.  In my case, I felt a lot of pride when I would wash them and put them together for her.  There is just nothing like the smell of a freshly washed diaper.

If I want to buy used diapers- where can I find them?

I bought our entire pocket diaper stash used on the internet. Search on eBay, Yahoo Groups, or on Baby Center Bulletin Boards to find people who want to buy, sell, or trade their diapers. Be sure to know what the regular price is on the diaper so you know what a fair price would be for used diapers. I got all of our pocket diapers for around ten dollars each (with the inserts included) and if I purchased them through a retail store, I would have paid around twenty dollars.

What do I do with the diapers when I am done with them?

If you are planning on having more children, I would suggest keeping them for the next child. When the next child comes, you will have no diapers to buy! If this is your last child though, selling the diapers can be a great way to make back some of the money you spent on them.

After my daughter was done with each size, I would resell them on eBay. Because I purchased the diapers used and took good care of them when laundering them, I was able to break even with very little investment. My daughter is eight months now and after selling back my first stash of diapers, I was out only thirteen dollars, and I am expecting a similar response to this next size. I was careful to consider which ones had the highest resale value and those were the types of diapers that we chose. Really researching before making your initial purchase will help you when the time comes to resell your diapers.

What brands of diapers & supplies did you use?

My favorite diapers were Fuzzi Bunz with a Hemparoo insert.  When my daughter was first born, however, we were able to get by with a Fuzzi Bunz diaper stuffed with a tri-folded microfiber cloth that I purchased from Target (in the automotive section).

Our diaper cover selection of choice was Bumkins with a DSQ Chinese Prefold.

I used baby washcloths, purchased from Wal-Mart, and just soaked these in warm water in our wipe warmer. If you prefer a sudsier wipe, you can use this diaper wipe solution recipe (on cloth wipes or using paper towels).

Homemade Baby wipes

Ingredients

  • Strong paper towels work the best (for example, Brawny).
  • 2 cups water
  • 1/2 cup of baby oil
  • 1/2 cup baby magic baby bath

Directions

  1. Cut one roll of paper towels in half.
  2. Take out the core so wipes pull out of the center.
  3. Place 1/2 roll of paper towels in container.
  4. Pour solution over towels.
  5. Store in container. Makes 2 1/2 rolls.

Raising a Self-Sufficient Teen

Monday, August 28th, 2006

Teens don’t learn responsibility overnight. If you haven’t been working with your teen on gradually giving them a sense of independence and ownership of their lives, then you’re going to have your work cut out for you. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

By the time your children are in high school, they should be doing for themselves a lot of the things you’ve been doing for them all of their lives. What does your teen do when they have a problem? Run to you? Or try to solve his/her own problem, maybe coming to you for advice when they’ve exhausted their own resources?

I don’t know about you, but I want my daughter to be self-sufficient when she heads off to college. I want her to be able to choose her own friends, manage her own expenses, be up to the challenge of solving everyday problems in an effective and positive manner, and generally get her adult life off to a good start.

Sound difficult? Not if you start out with the small things. My teen told me most of her friends don’t even know where their moms do their grocery shopping. I couldn’t believe it. My daughter is involved with planning our meals (it’s in her interest if she wants a say in what we’re having to eat), and she goes to the grocery store with me every single week and helps me mark each item off the list. She reads labels, compares prices, and tells me when she thinks I’m spending too much money on something. And why does she care how much money I spend you might ask? Because our family’s finances are tight, and she knows that any money we save at the grocery store our family will be able to spend somewhere else. What a great life lesson.

Because our family’s finances are tight, my daughter has also learned how to budget. She is not directly involved in our financial planning, but she sees me making our budget and deciding the way we spend our family’s money. She knows that when more money than expected has to be spent in a certain area, that something else has to give. She knows that money doesn’t grow on trees. She’s started to budget her own money–tithing, spending some, and saving some.

A lot of my daughter’s friends wear expensive designer clothes. She knows we can’t afford to buy clothes like that for her, so we frequent local thrift and clothing consignment stores, shop bargain sales, and do a lot of yard saling. Sure, I wish I could spend more money on her clothes, but she still finds much of the same designer clothing her friends wear. Other friends are jealous of the good buys she finds. When my daughter grows up part of me hopes she can afford nicer things for herself. But deep down, I’m grateful for the life lessons she’s learning. Whether she has money or not, she will never want for anything because she knows how to get by no matter what her circumstances.

You might think your teen would think it a chore to go grocery shopping and shopping for second-hand clothing. My daughter doesn’t look at it that way. Partly she’s bored and wants to get out of the house, but going through these daily routines together is much of the time we spend together, hanging out and talking about other things on her mind. More than half of the time we spend in deep discussion takes place in the car driving from one place to another. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything.

I’m not worried about whether or not my daughter is going to be able to take care of herself when she goes off to college. I’m certain she’ll be up to the challenge.

A freshman in high school this year, she has four more years to practice before she’s on her own. She cooks dinner once a week or so, does some of the laundry, and helps clean up after our pets keep the house clean. At her age, homework is most important to us and that takes priority over other things, so we don’t overload her with chores, but my main concern is that she knows HOW to do these things. Especially with something like cooking it takes time to learn some of these skills. And if you don’t have enough patience to help them learn something like how to cook, then let them learn through trial and error. Let them cook what they want to cook and let them even go buy the groceries to make it.

Let your teens schedule their own appointments and make other phone calls you normally make for them. I think everyone has a little fear of the phone at first, but after the first few times they’ll enjoy the responsibility they’ve earned.

And did you notice what effect these changes will have on your life? Less responsibility and demands on you! It’s a little hard to let go at first and you might have to take baby steps in handing over the reigns a little, but you’ll be so proud of your teen the first time they take initiative on their own. When they leave home you’ll worry less and know it was a job well done.

8 Simple Tips To Help Your Child Read

Sunday, May 28th, 2006

Take away the skill of reading and not only books become a mysterious and foreign world, but reading train timetables, ordering from a menu, understanding bank statements, and any number of straightforward daily activities become virtually impossible.

If your child is struggling to read, the effects of their problem can reach into adulthood, be humiliating, and extremely limiting.

The world of a non reader is a mixed up place where only those who know the ‘secret code’ can decipher the strange symbols around them and fully participate.

A sad, lonely, and stressful place indeed.

The time to catch your child’s reading problems and support them in their quest to become a confident and capable life long reader is Primary School. Preferably before they reach Grade 3.

Your school will be monitoring your child’s progress and implementing a detailed plan to improve their reading skills and strategies. But, if you’re worried that the school is not, then an appointment with the teacher is a must to thoroughly explore your concerns and issues.

Do not put this off!

After Grade 3 it is more difficult for children to bridge the gap, learn new patterns of reading behavior, and develop appropriate reading strategies. Encouraging them while they’re young is vital, and there are some things you can do at home to complement and support your school’s efforts. Here are 8 simple ways to help your child if reading is a struggle for them:

  1. Make your reading time a regular activity at a specific time each day. Children love structure and will look forward to the closeness and bonding this time brings.
    For some children this may be the only intimate one-on-one time they get to spend with a parent on a regular basis. Making reading together a special time for just the two of you only takes 10 or 15 minutes a day, and the rewards are tremendous.
  2. Vary how you structure your reading time together. Don’t always expect your child to read to you. Read to them sometimes. Take turns reading. Read out loud together! Make sure it’s a stress free and enjoyable time together.
  3. Use the 3 P’s. Pause, prompt, praise.
    Pause when your child comes to a word they don’t know. Don’t jump in straight away by telling them the word or getting them to sound it out. Let them think.
    Prompt your child if they haven’t answered after about 10 – 20 seconds. Say ‘Make your mouth say the first sound’, or ‘ What word would make sense there?’, or ‘Can you tell me what would sound right there?’. Only sound out the word if it can be effectively sounded out.
    If your child doesn’t get the word after a couple of prompts or an attempt at sounding out, tell them the word straight away. You want to avoid feelings of failure, plus make sure they get on with the book while they can still remember what the story is about.
    Praise your child for their efforts. Say something like ‘Well done, you made it look and sound right’, or ‘Well done, you used the first sound to help you figure out the rest of the word’. If they didn’t get the word, simply praise them for trying their best… ‘That was a great try – well done‘. Be as specific as possible.
  4. Not every single word has to be right. Refrain from picking on every last error unless you want to make your child feel inadequate and fearful of making too many mistakes. This will contribute to their negative attitude towards reading and make their progress even slower.
    If your child is gaining the overall meaning from the story or text, then they are achieving the major goal of reading – to decipher words and receive a message.
  5. Talk, talk, talk…… Ask your child to retell their favourite part of the book in their own words. Talk about what they would do if they were a person from the book. Talk about the way the characters in the book felt and why they felt like that. Talk about interesting words from the book and what they mean. This will help increase your child’s level of comprehension.
  6. Be seen to be a reader. It’s surprising how many kids never see their own parents reading a book. A newspaper yes – but not a book! Kids are the greatest mimics in the world, and they especially love to copy their mum or dad.
    Sit down and read your own separate books at the same time. Share parts of your books with one another by reading them out loud and telling why you chose that part. Make it obvious that reading is something you personally value and think is worthwhile.
  7. Don’t cover up the pictures! Never. Ever. Using pictures is one of the ways children gather information to support their use of sound, letter, and word skills. Pictures support the meaning of a story and provide a context to help children solve unknown words.
    Picture story books have pictures for a reason. Many times the text doesn’t make sense without the pictures, and asking your child to read it without looking at the pictures will often feel like trickery to them.
  8. Last but definitely not least – make reading fun! The last thing it needs to be is a chore. You can‘t blame any child for being unwilling if something is hard AND a bore.

Find books about topics your child is interested in. Read craft books and make things. Get out a cookbook and follow a recipe. Get out the words to favourite songs and follow along. Create a treasure hunt with lots of clues to read – anything that makes reading something to look forward to.

Make your reading time together regular, interesting, stress free, and fun. Your child will benefit, and so might you!
Happy reading!

Preparing for Your New Baby – Tips for New Parents

Tuesday, March 7th, 2006

Preparing for a new baby is an exciting and scary time, especially with the first child. When our son was born, we had no idea what we would need to do to get our home ready for our sweet little bundle of joy. I read every book that I could on preparing the nursery, bought all of the proper bedding, and washed his tiny little baby clothes. These were the things that I thought would be the most important in preparation of his homecoming. With the second child though, I began to realize that I would need to complete many more tasks before we brought our daughter home. I would now be performing the balancing act of raising two children and I would need to really be on top of my game this time. This article will explain a few simple things that I found to be helpful in preparing myself & my home for the new baby.

Fill Your Freezer

One of the best things that you can do for yourself is to begin filling your freezer a few months before your baby arrives. The last thing you are going to want to do when you get home is to prepare meals for the family. You are going to be very tired and the first thing that will pop into your mind when the dinner hour rolls around will be… take out, of course!  To save yourself from resorting to a hamburger & fries every night (not to mention the blow it would be to your wallet), start making doubles of your dinners once a week.

Choose a day that is easiest for you to prepare an extra dinner for your freezer. Fill the freezer with things that are easy to double and to reheat. Some of the things that I chose to fill our freezer with were meatballs, meatloaf, pizza dough, casseroles, & lasagna. Make sure to clearly mark the outside of the packaging with what the item is and the date of preparation. It is also helpful to include (either on the outside of the meal or on a piece of paper tucked inside the freezer bag) directions for reheating & cooking your meal.  Feeding your freezer will really help you in the early weeks when you are sleep deprived & dinner is the last thing on your list to complete.

Thank you, Thank you

Make sure to purchase plenty of stamps & thank you notes to keep on hand. Making a trip to the post office or card shop will be last on your list of things you would want to do in the first few weeks after bringing your child home. The gifts will really add up and I found myself overwhelmed with thankfulness and notes that needed to go out to everyone. I kept track of these gifts by keeping a notebook next to the cards and writing down any baby gifts, gift cards, or meals that I received from my family & friends. If I had a spare moment (these were very few & far between), I would jot down a thank you note and send it out in the mail. Having these items on hand really helped me get them out just a little bit quicker.

Diapers Galore

There will be lots of diaper changes in your future after bringing your baby home. If you are planning on using disposable diapers, add diapers to your grocery list a few months before the baby arrives and pick a box up each time you go. Try to avoid buying a lot in the smaller sizes (newborn or preemie) because you will be surprised how few of these most people go through. Picking up a box here & there will feel like you are not spending as much on the diapers and you won’t have to make a diaper run in the evening when you are tired & ready to unwind.

If you are cloth diapering, make sure to get your stash of diapers ready ahead of time.  Most diapers will require a series of washes before they are ready to be used. Make sure to read all of the manufacturer’s instructions and get the diapers ready in advance.

A Little Convenience

There are items that I consider to be convenience items that many people keep in their homes on a daily basis. If you are like me and keep few convenience items in your house, now would be the time to bend the rules a little bit. There were a few convenience items that I bought to help make things easier in the first few weeks.

Paper products were one of the items that I added to my grocery list before the baby was born. I purchased paper plates and cups to save me time from washing dishes. These are not items that I normally keep in our house, but it saved me a little time in the kitchen.

Another item that I felt was helpful to have on hand were cleaning wipes for the bathrooms & kitchen. We had lots of visitors coming to see our new baby and it was much easier for me to whip out a cleaning wipe and swipe down the bathrooms & kitchen then to get out my caddy of goodies to get the rooms looking clean. I am a frugal gal at heart, but there are times where convenience is very helpful.

We also bought some convenience foods that my husband could prepare for himself & our son. It was nice to have a few things that they could put together without my help.

Feeding Yourself

You will find eating to be a difficult task when you are caring for a newborn. I found myself not setting aside any time to eat and when I would want to eat, our little one would be hungry as well. To make sure I got the nourishment I needed, I kept a basket of snacks that I could eat between meals. Try to take note of the things that they offer to you at the hospital for snacks and use this as a guide towards healthy snack options that you can indulge in. I filled my basket with granola bars, cereal bars, crackers, and fruit. We also kept string cheese, baby carrots, and fat-free puddings for me to eat. One-handed snacks are the best for those early days when you are constantly feeding & bouncing your baby.

Don’t forget to try and feed your mind a little bit too. Keep a basket of books or magazines next to the place where you do the majority of your feedings. The material doesn’t need to be intellectual, but it should be able to provide a little “escape” from the everyday monotony of diaper changes and feedings.

Conclusion

Hopefully, these suggestions will help as you prepare for your new little family member. Remember, try and enjoy this time as much as you can. They are only little like this once and the days will fly by quicker than you realize.

What is Homeschooling?

Thursday, August 18th, 2005

Do you know what these famous people have in common?

  • Alexander Graham Bell
  • George Patton
  • Albert Einstein
  • Benjamin Franklin
  • Winston Churchill
  • Agatha Christie
  • George Bernard Shaw
  • Will Rogers

If you guessed that they were all homeschoolers, you’d be correct. This is a very short list of famous and successful people who were educated at home. If you would like to expand this list, do a search on the Internet for “famous homeschoolers.” There are many websites that list these people and some provide detailed biographies. There is even a book called, aptly, “Famous Homeschoolers“, by Nancy and Malcolm Plant.

The point here is to get into the mindset that people can be educated and become successful adults without attending public school. And because I can almost “hear” what you are thinking, no, it is not necessary to have a high school diploma to go to college.

So what is homeschooling? In the broadest sense, homeschooling is educating your children at home. You, as parent, become teacher. Parents homeschool for more reasons than you can imagine. Some want to avoid having their children exposed to violence and peer pressure. Some homeschool so that they can make sure their children’s education adheres to their religious beliefs. Some live a different lifestyle: perhaps they travel a lot and want their children’s schooling to be flexible enough to fit around that life style. And some, like me, simply enjoy being with their children. They don’t want the public school to interrupt and weaken the parent/child bond that they have been working hard to create for the first five years of their child’s life.

Just as there are many reasons to homeschool, there are many methods of homeschooling. All the way from “un-schooling” (learning by doing, learning from life, not using textbook type materials) to “school at home” (using textbooks at desks set up in a schoolroom at home) and everything in between. It’s very easy to find hundreds of homeschool Websites by using a search engine, but just to get you started, try: Jon’s Homeschool Resource Page

When I decided to write this article, I thought hard about what I could offer that wasn’t being displayed on thousands of Websites on the Internet. I realized that the only thing I have to offer anyone interested in homeschooling is my experience. So everything in the article below comes from my fifteen years of experience homeschooling my four youngest children. I hope it is of some use to you.

Deciding to homeschool your child may be one of the most important decisions you ever make as a parent, and it will take a lot of thought and soul searching. To the newcomer, it may seem impossible, overwhelming and very, very lonely. But like most huge obstacles, once it’s broken down into smaller pieces, it becomes manageable. We’ll take it one step at a time, in small enough chunks to get a hold of. So, if you’re game, roll up your sleeves and let’s get to work figuring out if homeschooling is for you and your child.

First things first. Organization is the key. Get a three-ring binder (homeschooling parent’s LOVE three-ring binders) and put a label on the front. (If you’ve made the transition to digital record keeping, you can just start a folder on the computer. But it’s not as much fun.) Label it something serious, like “My Homeschooling Plans” or “Homeschooling Thoughts.” Put some paper in the binder, find a really comfortable ink pen, and sit down somewhere quiet.

Ready? Good. Now, let’s get started.

What are your reasons for considering homeschooling? Even if you haven’t actually made the decision to homeschool, the fact that you are here reading this article says you are curious. Perhaps you honestly don’t know the answer yet, and that’s ok. The remainder of this article is going to try to help you start to find those answers.

Homeschooling is legal in all 50 states, but each state has it’s own set of laws that must be followed. Compulsory (how I hate that word) education here in Washington State starts at the age of 8. Even though I had been homeschooling him from birth, to stay legal once my son reached 8-years old, I was required to become “certified.” That meant I either had to have two years of college education, or take a “certification class.” I met this requirement by taking an independent correspondence class, during which I was asked to put on paper my goals, philosophies and reasons for wanting to homeschool. I’d like to help you do the same right now.

Start a page–either the “tree” kind or a file on the computer and title it, “My Educational Beliefs.” List what personal beliefs you have about education especially the education of your own children. Get as detailed as you can here–the value is in the thinking process behind the list. Take your time, I’m in no hurry.

As an example to get you started, I’m going to share with you what I wrote on my list nine years ago:

My Educational Beliefs

1. I believe my child’s attitude about learning should be: One of continual curiosity and seeking of knowledge.

2. I believe my child’s learning should lead towards a lifestyle that is: Rural, physically active, creative.

3. I believe these basic values should be part of my child’s learning:

  • Respect for others
  • Loyalty to family and friends
  • Honesty
  • Generosity

4. I believe children learn best: Through hands-on learning experience, reading, workbooks.

5. I believe a teacher should:

  • Provide side-by-side assistance and direction.
  • Interact with the child.
  • Provide the structure within which the child may explore, experiment, study and achieve.
  • Provide a good example of excitement in learning.

6. Other beliefs:

I believe my child should grow up to be self-reliant and occupationally secure in a field of high interest to them.

Now, that wasn’t too bad, was it? Don’t give up on this until you have at least something written down, but don’t agonize over it either. You can come back to it later if need be. Next, start a paper or file titled “Life Goals For My Child.”

I want you to write down what kind of person you envision your child being as an adult. What are your hopes and dreams for him/her? What educational gifts do you hope to be able to help them find that will serve them their entire lives?

I’ll share mine from 9 years ago, just to get you started:

“Life Goals for My Child”

  • Be literate.
  • Be self-reliant.
  • Compete well in their chosen field of occupation.
  • Appreciate art, music, and literature.
  • Be creative.
  • Be inventive and resourceful.
  • Be healthy, mentally and physically.
  • Co-operate with others.
  • Maintain a strong sense of self-worth.
  • Maintain a life-long curiosity, seeking knowledge as a way of life.
  • Look to the future with a sense of excitement and adventure.

For the last exercise, start a third paper titled: Why We (I) Am Going to Homeschool Our (My) Child? (Yes, single parents can successfully homeschool their children.) You may not have all the answers for this one yet either, but just get something down. All of these ideas and beliefs can start getting mixed in with other people’s opinions once we start educating ourselves in depth about homeschooling, and you’ll be glad you have these lists tucked away.

Okay, here’s my old list:

Why We Are Going To Homeschool Our Children

Our family consists of myself, my husband, a 21-year-old daughter, a 19-year-old daughter, an 8-year-old son, a 7-year-old daughter, a 4-½ year old daughter, and an unborn son due in 6 months. My two oldest daughters (from my first marriage) were in the public school system for the whole of their educational years. It is largely a dissatisfaction with the public schools and all it’s attendant problems (academic, social, and moral) that has caused us to make the decision to homeschool our youngest children. We decided, even before our 8-year-old son (the oldest of the younger set) was born, that somehow we would find an alternative to the public schools.

We want to homeschool for some additional reasons. We want added closeness with our children. We want more independence, greater control over our family’s moral and philosophical values, and better awareness of our children’s interests.

We dislike the thought of any government agency–no matter how well meaning–directing the raising of our children.

We intend to homeschool because we do not want our children’s academic, social, and moral education taken out of our hands.

We believe these areas of a child’s education are a parent’s responsibility, right, and pleasure.

I’d like you to spend some time going over these lists until you feel they accurately reflect your feelings about homeschooling your children. When I did these exercises, I had only a vague idea about why I wanted to homeschool and what kind of education I wanted to help my children acquire. These simple exercises helped me to solidify my ideas and provided the basis for our future homeschooling methods. I hope they help you to do the same. Keep these lists in a safe place and add to them as you explore the possibility of homeschooling your child.

Summer Vacation Survival Tips

Tuesday, May 31st, 2005

The summer season is here and along with it comes summer vacation for the school-aged kids. Moms are now responsible for coming up with the ideas and curriculum for their children and I am the first to admit that by the summer my creative juices have just about run out. How can you make summer another time of fun and enjoyment rather than boredom? And just how do you do this on a budget? There are lots of great things that you can do this summer and ways to keep organized when doing it. Here are a few of MomAdvice’s suggestions for summer survival:

Mini-Vacations

Rather than taking one long vacation in the summer, break your vacations into smaller and more affordable activities. Some suggestions are hitting area zoos, amusement parks, local festivals, and museums. By taking smaller vacations, you have a few things to look forward to rather than just one event. Check out some books from your local library on activities that you can do within your own state and then research on how to get the best price. Talk about your vacation plans with friends and see if they know of any places that are cheap to stay at or where you can get coupons for money off of tickets. Ask your library as well if they offer any season passes that you can take advantage of. One of our local libraries had a pass to the art museum which library patrons could check out for the day gaining them free admittance into the local museums and galleries. We checked these out and saved thirty dollars every time we hit one of these places. Call in advance though because you may be competing with another family for the same day.

If you are planning a vacation to another state or even within your own state, visit the state’s visitor’s bureau website to get a packet of information and coupons for the state. For example, we were planning a trip to Cedar Point in Ohio so I requested a packet of information to be sent to me by the visitor’s bureau. Within this packet of information was a gold mine of coupons for the amusement park including buy one get one free admissions which saved us over twenty-five dollars.

Stocking Up

With the summer season comes a whole new set of things that you will need to be stocked up on. With children home from school, you are now the one who is to come up with the creative lunches and snacks for the kids. Try and keep the fridge well-stocked with lots of fresh vegetables, fruits, whole grain breads, meats, and cheeses so that you can quickly make sandwiches and can avoid spending money at the drive-thru. Having items on hand that children can make themselves will also take some pressure off of you for providing the meal.

A great way to save time on cleaning up after your meals is by taking advantage of the pleasant weather and dining outside. Our family does a lot of eating outside on our patio furniture which makes for easy clean-up. When it is just my son and I though, we eat outside on a plastic mat “picnic-style”. We love to do this and the mat only requires a quick shake and clean-up is a breeze.

We also purchased a small cooler lunchbox for our day trips out which is a great investment for the family. We take this everywhere and fill it with the day’s lunch or snacks while we are out. Filling this with healthy snacks and food will save you money as well as saving you from a less than healthy trip to the drive-thru when you are out on one of your day trips or just running errands. This cooler can also be used when grocery shopping for keeping your ice cream and meats at cool temperatures.

Another great purchase for your car is a seat organizer where you can stick books and toys in for the kids as well as diapers, wet wipes, and maps to get to your destination. Don’t forget to pack a towel for brushing off after those trips to the beach as well.

A kiddie pool and sandbox can be a great investment for the summer as well for the younger kids. My son spends hours playing in his sandbox and kiddy pool and the investment was small compared to the hours of enjoyment he can get from these. If a family member is looking for a gift this summer for a birthday or just because, suggest buying one of these items so that you don’t have to pay for these yourself. We asked for these items for our son’s birthday and also used our anniversary money to put towards a family zoo pass for the summer.

Don’t forget to stock up on all of those fun summer toys for the kids to play with outside. You can stock up on a lot of your fun summer items over at the local Dollar Store. We purchase sidewalk chalk, sandbox tools and toys, bubbles, and water guns. They offer a wide variety of fun summer toys that won’t break the bank. You can also make a couple of these yourself with these recipes.

Super Sidewalk Paint

¼ cup cornstarch
¼ cup cold water
6-8 drops of food coloring

Directions: Mix cornstarch and cold water together in a small plastic bowl. Add food coloring and stir. Repeat this process to creat different colors of Super Sidewalk Paint. Super Sidewalk Paint can easily be washed away with water

Treasure Stones

1 cup flour
1 cup used coffee grinds
½ cup salt
¼ cup sand
¾ cup water

Directions: Mix all dry ingredients together in a medium bowl. Slowly add water and knead until the mixture is the consistency of bread dough. Break off a piece of dough and roll it into the size of a baseball. Make a hole in the center of the ball big enough to hide treasures in. Fill the hole with treasures and seal with some extra dough. Let your treasure stone air dry for two or three days or until hard or bake in the oven on a cookie sheet at 150 degrees for fifteen to twenty minutes. If you would like to tin your Treasure Stone, add one tablespoon of powder tempera paint to tint.

Water Balloon Yo-Yo

1 small balloon
1 large rubber band

Directions: Cut the rubber band in half. Tie a loop securely on one end of the rubber band. It should be big enough to fit around your finger. Use a garden hose or water faucet to fill the balloon ¼ of the way with water. Blow air into the balloon until it is the size of a tennis ball. Tie the balloon shut. Securely tie the rubber band around theknot on the balloon. Place the rubber band loop around your middle finger and gently throw the balloon toward the ground. When the balloon springs back toward your hand, try to grab it.

Rainy days during the summer can be particularly difficult for children and parents alike. A great way to make these days go by quicker is by keeping lots of craft supplies on hand. You can also print out free printable coloring pages and crafts through dltk-kids.com. We keep lots of construction paper, play dough, crayons, and coloring books on hand for fun and creative activities during the day.

Keep in mind that your library can be a wonderful summer resource for your family. Obviously, the library offers lot of great summer reading to help you get through those rainy days, but try to look past just the literature and ask your children’s librarian what types of summer reading and activities they offer. I still remember as a child that the library offered a great summer reading program that worked in conjunction with our local Pizza Hut where we received stars for meeting reading goals that could be used towards food at the restaurant. This motivated me so much as a child that I read many more books then I had anticipated. Setting reading goals during the summer can be very rewarding for children. Make sure to ask your child’s teacher for a reading list of books that they should be reading in preparation for the next grade. If your child is not reading yet, be sure to take advantage of this time to read to them. It truly is amazing the power literature has on our minds and speech development.

Don’t Over Schedule

For some reason many parents tend to go overboard on the summer classes and activities. I remember as a child how much I enjoyed just running around through the sprinklers, getting ice cream, or taking a trip to the park. I do not remember as clearly the classes that I took or the activities that my parents had paid for. It is so important to allow our kids to be kids! Kids really do remember the little outings that you do with them and often these outings and time spent with them have a greater impact then four weeks of camp will.

Remember that this is their summer vacation. I know that I do not enjoy having every single minute of my vacation booked with things to do; likewise children enjoy having some downtime. Try to keep this in mind when signing them up for various summer programs. Maybe allowing your child to pick one or two activities during the summer will be more manageable for both you (the driver) and your child.

Making Memories

Most importantly, enjoy your summer to its fullest… Whether it is long lazy days of lounging by the kiddie pool or a fun-filled summer chock full of day trips and activities- try to make it a summer to remember. I am filling my son’s memory book up this summer of all the wonderful things we have gotten to do. I always think that I will remember each and every moment with him- the smells of the hot dogs on the grill, the sand between our toes as we play for hours in his sandbox, or his sweet face full of fascination at the tiny bugs crawling on his swing set, but all too quickly it is gone. Put your pen to paper this summer and lovingly write those memories down so someday you and your child can reminisce over the beauty of that hot summer of his youth and all that you shared together during those wonderful months.

Diaper Bag Essentials

Monday, May 16th, 2005

There was a time in my life when I could hop in the car, carrying only a purse, and head out the door with absolutely no planning. Ah, those were the days! Upon having our son though, I realized that any trip out the door had to be a well-executed one and it often took hours just to get ready for our destination. As he has gotten older, I can now stash the essential items he needs conveniently in my gigantic mommy purse, but those days of enormous diaper bags are definitely not far from my memory. Here is a list of my own essential diaper bag items.

Diapers

Obviously, if we are packing a “diaper” bag, we will need diapers. But how many diapers do you need? This will depend on the length of the trip and the age of your child. When they are infants, they are being changed every hour so a diaper per hour would suffice. This amount of diapers would only get you by, however, if you have no explosive emergencies. It was my rule of thumb to carry what I needed and to add two just to be safe. I would rather carry a heavier diaper bag then be stuck with a nasty emergency without the necessary tools I would need to resolve it.

Diaper Cream

Sore bottoms can happen at any time and it is good to always have some diaper cream on hand when a rash strikes.

Wipes

Wipes are handy, not only for wiping little bottoms, but also for wiping messy faces. I usually carry a big sack of them with me because I use them to wipe bottoms, faces, and runny noses. Store these wipes in an airtight container to retain the moisture in them. You can also make your own wipes with this wonderful recipe:

Homemade Baby wipes

Ingredients

  • Strong paper towels work the best (for example, Brawny).
  • 2 cups water
  • 1/2 cup of baby oil
  • 1/2 cup baby magic baby bath

Directions

  1. Cut one roll of paper towels in half.
  2. Take out the core so wipes pull out of the center.
  3. Place 1/2 roll of paper towels in container.
  4. Pour solution over towels.
  5. Store in container. Makes 2 1/2 rolls.

Changing Pad

You never know where you will end up changing your baby and you also never can tell what the sanitary conditions will be like where you are. Keep a changing pad in your diaper bag and use a soft burp cloth for layering if the surface is too hard for your little one.

Antibacterial Gel & Wipes

Antibacterial gel really comes in handy after you have changed a dirty diaper. The wipes will also come in handy when you have to set your child in a germ-infested grocery cart, on playground equipment, or just to give your kids a good swiping after another child has sneezed on them. Trust me, you are a mother, and it is okay to be a little germaphobic especially when you are a new mommy.

Burp Cloths

These are wonderful not only for all of that spit-up, but they can also be essential in padding your changing table or cushioning a little head.

Zipper Bags

Zipper bags are one of those things that you just can’t live without especially in the early years. These bags are perfect for storing those soiled diapers, as well as soiled clothing. These items can really leave an odor in your bag, if you have nowhere to dispose of them, so tuck a couple of dryer sheets in for good measure to keep your bag smelling fresh.

Clothing

Store, at least, one extra outfit for any diaper emergency. Nothing is worse than having a soiled outfit and nothing for you to change your child into. Trust me on this one- I have been there!

Feeding Supplies

Feeding supplies can mean an array of things depending on what stage your child is at and what you are feeding them. If your child is formula-fed, bottles and extra formula will be needed. For children on solid foods, they may baby food, spoons, bowls, and a small snack for the road.

Pain Reliever

It may seem like this is not a diaper bag essential, but pain relievers are a necessary component to a diaper bag. Keep acetaminophen or ibuprofen in your bag to provide pain relief. This is good to have on hand for your doctor visits when your child receives shots or when a fever or illness comes on suddenly. A teething gel is also good to have on hand when your child’s gums are swollen and painful from cutting teeth.

Blanket

A blanket is great to keep your child warm when they are chilly, can be used to cover an area where they are sitting, and also can keep your child’s head propped up when they are unable to hold their head up by themselves. Blankets are also useful for your baby’s doctor check-ups because they can keep the child warm when they must be unclothed for their doctor visit.

Entertainment

Be sure to have a couple of toys or books on hand to provide entertainment for your child when you are out and about. The amount of entertainment you need can vary on the child’s age, but you never know how long you will have to wait for your appointments or when standing in line so be prepared.

Extra Goodies

A couple of other extra goodies that you might like to keep on hand are your cell phone, a water bottle, a snack for yourself, and nursing pads.

I know that the list is long, but as your child gets older your list will get shorter. We are now able to throw a couple of toys, a cup of juice, a snack, a couple of diapers, and a pack of wipes in our bag and walk out the door instead of all of the items listed above. Tailoring down our diaper bag essentials was something that our family looked forward to and it is nice to be able to leave the house with everything stored neatly in my purse.

Please be sure to visit our printable Diaper Bag Checklist for a quick list of what you need to get out the door. This checklist can be conveniently placed in the pocket of your diaper bag or tacked on your refrigerator to be checked off before heading out the door.

It is difficult to remember all you need when you are a new and tired mother so let us do the work for you! This tool can hopefully aid you in having a stress-free outing with your child and help you to be prepared for all of those little baby emergencies.

Finding a Moms Group

Friday, May 6th, 2005

Becoming a mom was both an exciting and scary time for me. I returned back to work full-time and, despite these great changes in my life, found that my work & friendships resumed back to what they were before I had my child. I still had people to talk to and was not really seeking anyone or anything else in my life. My life was busy and my days were full with working, caring for my child, and maintaining our home.

Upon relocating to a different state, I was thrown into the world of being a stay-at-home mother. I would never complain about being a stay-at-home mom because it has been a dream come true for me, but I lost that contact with the outside world and also with the friends that I had made.

The day we moved, I began to search frantically on the internet to find a mom’s support group. I knew that I needed friends desperately and I also wanted my son to have other children to interact with. I ran across a Mother’s & More group, and knew that I had finally found peace & the human interaction that I was looking for. The group offered everything I was looking for and more. My very first meeting, I handed over my membership dues and eagerly anticipated each and every activity. It was my life support and I know now that having this group brought me more satisfaction then I dreamed possible.

While I am crazy about Mothers & More, I believe any mother’s support system that you can find can be beneficial to any mother. As a mother, we are all looking for different things in a support system. Some people join to educate themselves on topics about parenting, others are looking for playgroups where their children can play, some are looking for volunteer opportunities, and others are just looking for other mothers to talk to. Whatever your reason may be for finding a support group, know that having a good support system can really be beneficial to you especially if you are a stay-at-home mother.

I have put together a list of support groups that are nationally (and sometimes internationally) known for providing support to mothers:

MOMS (Mothers Offering Mothers Support) Club

 

What It Is

This group is geared towards stay-at-home moms. The group meets during the day and they allow children at all of their meetings. The childcare is provided by volunteer members who supervise the children while the mothers meet.

History

This group was started in 1983 by a stay-at-home mother because she was looking for a group that met during the day and where her children could accompany her at her meetings.

What Do They Offer

This group offers volunteer opportunities, a newsletter, and meetings.

Membership

There are 1500 chapters with over 75,000 members. This group offers chapters in both the United States and internationally.

Cost

Member dues are low and between $15-30 per year. They keep member dues at a minimum because they know that these moms make a financial sacrifice to be home with their children.

National Organization of Mothers of Twins Club

 

What It Is

Are you the parent of twins? Triplets? Quads? Quints? More? If you are the parent of multiple children, then this group is for you. This group offers local groups for Mothers of Twins (MOTC), Mothers of Multiples (MOMC) or a Parents of Multiples Clubs (POMC).

History

This group was founded in 1960 to promote the special aspects of child development which relate specifically to multiple birth children.

What Do They Offer

This group offers monthly meetings discussing the care and development of multiple birth children, as well as other topics of interest. Clothing & equipment exchanges and club libraries are some of the other invaluable services.

Membership

There is a network of more than 475 local clubs representing over 23,000 individual parents of multiples, twins, triplets, & quads.

Cost

Member dues are $9 per member.

Holistic Moms Network

 

What It Is

This group is for mothers who have an interest in holistic health in parenting. This group is not limited to just moms though because they open their membership up to dads, grandparents, and the partners of the mothers as well. They welcome nursing infants and toddlers at all of their meetings and you are encouraged to breastfeed at all of their events.

History

This group was started in 2002 by a support group in New Jersey . These people came together because they were looking for support and friendship from others who shared the same ideals.

What Do They Offer

The group meets at least once per month. Some of the groups offer playgroups as well.

Membership

There are no statistics on the amount of groups there are at this time, however, new groups are added all of the time. Check the Chapters page for information about groups in your community.

Cost

Member dues are $35 per year and $50 for a family membership (self & spouse/partner).

Mocha (Mothers of Color At Home) Moms

 

What It Is

This is a support group for mothers of color who are choosing to be stay-at-home moms.

History

This group was started in 1997 by two mothers through a newsletter called, “Mocha Moms” in hopes of connecting with other mothers of color. The newsletter grew into a support network and they were incorporated in 1999.

What Do They Offer

This group offers support meetings on topics pertinent to you as a stay-at-home mom, community service projects, mom’s only night outs, and kid’s socials. They also offer volunteer leadership positions and the first online magazine publication for stay-at-home moms of color, “Mommy Too.”

Membership

There are 1500 chapters with over 75,000 members. This group offers chapters in both the United States and internationally.

Cost

They offer two types of membership, local chapter affiliations and at-large membership. The local chapter affiliations are $20 per year and this gains you access to anything in your local chapter. The at-large membership is $10 and offers participation in national, regional, state, and online activities.

Mothers & More

 

What It Is

This group offers support to moms and champions the value of work that all mothers do whether it be paid or unpaid.

History

This group was founded in 1987 by a mother who had left the workforce after the birth of her first child. The group was originally called F.E.M.A.L.E. (Formerly Employed Mothers at Loose Ends) and is now called Mothers & More to reflect the additional roles mothers play during their active parenting years.

What Do They Offer

They offer meetings with topical discussions, guest speakers, mom’s night out activities, playgroups, family outings, and more. Each chapter has its own unique personality and adapts to the needs of their particular members. They also offer volunteer positions both locally and nationally.

Membership

The group serves over 7,500 mothers in the United States and beyond.

Cost

Member dues are $45 per year and this gains you access to both the local & national activities and publications.

MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) International

 

What It Is

This is a group that celebrates motherhood, aids in meeting a mother’s needs, and a group that helps mothers experience God’s love through relationships and resources. They nurture and provide acceptance to all types of mothers- teens, urban, suburban, etc.

History

The group was started in 1973 with a group that met in Colorado. They met together for two hours, did a craft together, and ended their meeting with a short devotion.

What Do They Offer

MOPS meets in local churches and offers meetings on a variety of topics related to your role as a mother and in parenting. They offer childcare for your children while you meet. Their meeting consists of a teaching segment or presentation by one or more of the members which focuses on parenting, marriage, and other issues, a small discussion lead by members, a craft for the moms, and social time. In addition, they offer leadership retreats and a monthly newsletter.

Membership

There are more than 3200 MOPS groups meeting across the United States and in 33 countries around the world. Groups vary in size and there can be anywhere between 10-200 members in each group.

Cost

Meeting fees vary due to the fact that churches can support these fees through their ministry or through fundraising efforts of the group.

La Leche League, International

 

What It Is

This group provides support and encouragement to breastfeeding mothers.

History

The group has been around since 1956 when they had their very first meeting in a member’s home. At the time, breastfeeding had dropped down close to twenty percent.

What Do They Offer

The group offers monthly meetings, a bimonthly magazine, and telephone assistance for mothers with breastfeeding questions. They also offer discounts on breastfeeding items and La Leche League Publications, and regional & international conferences.

Membership

La Leche League groups are all over the world and new groups are forming all of the time. Visit their website to learn how you can start your own La Leche League group.

Cost

Membership dues are $36.

National Association of Mothers Centers (NAMC)

 

What It Is

This is a non-profit umbrella organization which includes more than 50 mother’s centers across the country.

History

These centers have been around since 1975.

What Do They Offer

Mothers’ Centers are self sustaining, non-profit groups where mothers meet, engage in discussion groups, enjoy a respite from their child caretaking role (childcare is available while the Mothers’ participate in groups), and help keep their center going through cooperative responsibility. Center members can use their expertise and talents while trying out new skills.

Membership

This group has more than 50 mother’s centers across the country.

Conclusion:

If you are unable to find a mother’s group in your area, think about starting a group in your own town. You are not alone in looking for relief from isolation and the need to feel validated for what you do. On each website they have provided information on starting your own group.

If you are still looking for other moms to talk with, look on meetup.com and see if there are any groups of women meeting and looking for the same things as you.

Whatever you do, know that you are not alone. Also know that there are other people, just like you, who are looking for friendship and encouragement in this crazy adventure we call “motherhood.”

Developmental Toys

Wednesday, May 4th, 2005

When I was pregnant with my first child a friend said to me, “You know, you don’t need to buy many toys for a child. Just make sure you have some Tupperware, a cardboard box, some plastic measuring cups, and a wooden spoon and she’ll be happy”. I chuckled at the time, thinking “How many toys can one little baby need?”, but by my child’s first birthday I was no longer chuckling. Toys seemed to spontaneously generate in our living room. There were dozens of things that people told me my child needed . Mothers in my play group didn’t ask IF we had something, but HOW MANY we had. I received emails regularly from toy companies touting their latest toys that my child needed to have to develop on target. I conscientiously read all labels, did safety checks, scanned Amazon reviews, and kept checklists to make sure that I got my child what she needed when she needed it and that it was safe and reliable.

Then one day, after I had had my second child and the toy parade had started up its encore, I decided to stop the madness. What did my child really need? I certainly survived childhood (and even came out okay) without all these things to stimulate my left brain, my right brain, my intellect through music, and the many, many electronic items that cause my husband and I to purchase batteries each time we’re near a Target. I took a step back and thought about what we had that we really needed, versus what we enjoyed. The following article covers items that I feel really do contribute to a child’s development. Please note that it is NOT an all-inclusive list. I’m sure there are more things out there, or your own child may have benefited from or loved another item. These are not the “items any mother can’t live without” but my own personal take on “the type of toys that you should invest in since they contribute to a child’s development in his/her first 18 months”. Feel free to add to this list through one of the Mom Advice forums!

For the littlest ones, let’s start with toys that promote sensorimotor development. Rattles encourage reaching and grabbing and help motor skills development. Mobiles encourage visual tracking and reaching. Textures, such as rough, soft, crinkly, etc. give varying kinesthetic responses for your baby. Setting interesting toys just out of reach while on the floor encourages a slightly older baby (4+ months) to reach, roll, or crawl. Having an unbreakable mirror available for “tummy time” is fun for the baby and encourages beginning social skills.

As the child grows, ride-on toys that roll or rock are good for gross motor skill development. Soft balls for throwing and catching are great for outdoors or indoors. A larger, soft ball for rolling, kicking, and throwing with both hands is useful, too.

Language is an area that most parents focus on, and the best way to promote these skills is by talking to your child. (This is even free!). Naming items, talking to your baby whether he or she can understand the words or not, singing, and reading to your child are all important. The importance of reading to your child can’t be underemphasized. However, I have noticed that children’s books are as expensive, if not more, than adult books! The public library can be a super resource for the family. Many libraries also have baby or toddler programs with story time, etc. Books are plentiful and free. Most libraries also hold book sales where you can get children’s books at a bargain. Garage sales and discount websites are good bets, too.

Speaking of books, I’m often asked my opinion on the many electronic books available today. Here’s what I think: they are fun but not necessary. A good, old-fashioned book will do everything you need it to just by being a good story. (I read some interesting research through the International Reading Association recently that suggests that these electronic books are actually a bit of a distraction for “readers”. They are best for preschool and older children who already have the concept of a story (beginning, middle, end, etc.) to enhance the story as opposed to distracting from the language for younger ones).

While we’re on the subject of books, I can’t resist mentioning the oh-so-popular “video board books” that are ubiquitous these days. Do we own them? Yes. Do I like them? Yes. Are they essential for good development? No. There is nothing in these DVD’s that you can’t get from a classical music CD and a good book. (However, I do love how they calm the kids at “fussy time”!!).

This leads me to music, or more specifically classical music. When I was first pregnant I picked up a “brain builder” CD of classical music (for $17.99). I was shocked to see that it was all music I already owned. There was no big secret here. It was basically a lovely selection of classical pieces. Additionally the research on the “brain benefits” of classical music is pretty shaky; however, I’m a big believer in exposing kids to music (not just classical), so a good radio station, or calming CD’s, or favorite digital music station on television is always okay in my book.

As young children develop spatial skills, their cognitive skills develop as well. That’s why is useful to have some simple toys around to build these important skills. Stacking/nesting cups or blocks are usually cheap (mine were $2.99 at Target) but focus on important skills. “Shape sorters” are good, too, to develop cognitive skills and hand-eye coordination. And, I just can’t say enough good about old-fashioned blocks. These can be an essential tool for development that correlates with later math skills (there’s great research out of Boston College on this). I have noticed, though, that it can be hard to find old-fashioned, wooden building blocks, and once I found them I nearly fell over when I saw the price. However, they are a good investment for both boys and girls.

These months from birth to 18 months are key for developing so many skills. Children’s play is largely motor driven at first, and then exploratory. Language is critical, and you want to continue to foster those important language skills with your children through play. By 12-18 months, little ones are ready for a bit more challenge with play, and you can introduce crayons and markers to build motor and spatial skills (and foster creativity!), puzzles for perceptual organization develop, and “imaginary play” items, such as a play kitchen, tool bench, or dress-up clothes.

And, of course, everyone (at all ages!) needs at least one good “lovey”!