Archive for the ‘New Parents & Babies’ Category

I Hope You Brought a Second Piece of Luggage

Friday, November 11th, 2016

America

Our son is preparing for high school this year and, in our district, that means choosing a field of interest he might want to explore at college and selecting what option might fit his needs best. It was quite the process because it was really important to us that we pick the right thing for him. We went to hours and hours of meetings, we poured over the information that was sent home and spent lots of time talking to parents about how it all worked and their experience with the school. After all that time vested this year, we were relieved to find a school that would fit his needs perfectly. We can’t wait for this next chapter with him!

For me, the election season was like that. I never go into voting lightly and this year, I believe, was my most informed voter decision that I had ever made. I took unbiased quizzes to try to figure out what issues aligned with me most, I watched each of the debates, I spent hours reading articles from both sides of the coin, and I talked endlessly with my husband about what we were looking for in this presidential election. I was very vested when I placed my vote, as I know many of you were, and the person that I thought would do a good job did not win.

I expected what I saw on social media, but it’s been an awful scroll from both sides.

I hope you will humor me for a moment and envision the voting process a little differently than maybe the way you did before. I want you to imagine that when each person went to vote they carried behind them their luggage of issues. Maybe you came with an overnight sack of a couple of things that were important to you and placed your vote or you just had a week’s worth of stuff that was easier to roll and to manage while you were voting.

Others though were backing up moving vans of issues and trying to haul that in with them when they voted. That van was loaded, heavy, and packed to the brim.

When we got home, maybe your overnight bag was easy to unpack and you felt good about the outcome of the day. Even if it didn’t go your way, you felt good about unpacking and moving on to the next chapter.   You went about making your coffee, feeling good, and you gazed out your window and saw your neighbor with all this stuff just strewn all over the lawn.

It was a mess over there.

They looked overwhelmed and they were just sitting in the middle of it looking bewildered at how they were ever going to put all this crap away.

What is your knee jerk reaction to this view?

Do you roll your eyes and tell them to declutter? You laugh and head to your computer to make a hilarious meme on hoarding- your friends are going to LOVE this!

Do you head into the house and message them a helpful article that outlines why they should have hired a moving service? They should have known this was going to happen. You always saw it coming and had shared with them lots of articles before they moved about outsourcing this. I guess they did not read them.

Do you yell out the window, “Get up and put it away! You look emotional and you need to get over it and make your lawn look like mine!”

Do you put your coffee down, get your coat on, and tell them you want to help? You’re overwhelmed with their mess, but you know it might lighten the load if you did something. You know you are good at praying, listening, and organizing. You know they are hurting and and you are good at many of these things. You can’t do the unpacking, but wouldn’t it be nice to tell them that you are their friend.

What I worry about is that some of us may have forgotten a second piece of luggage in baggage claim. It was the bag with the empathy in it that helps you see your neighbor with love. Some people unpacked those bags and used them, but I fear that others of us forgot them. That second piece of luggage was really important for both sides to be able to work together. That second piece was the key to helping unpack the first one.

I’ll admit, this family still has some stuff on their lawn so I apologize for the view. We are hoping the view will change, but we haven’t gotten everything put away yet. We will get there, but we are trying to distribute that second piece of luggage to our friends while still unpacking our own. It wasn’t a moving truck size, but it wasn’t an overnight bag.

The silver lining to this story is that I know that we ALL want this country to succeed and this is the common theme that I am choosing to focus on.  I love our people and our country. I am praying that the transition is a good and hopeful one. We need it!

If you are feeling in the dumps right now, I hope that this will be an enjoyable scroll as I highlight the good in the world.

Good In Action

Parenting a Child With ADD: Working With Your School

Tuesday, September 15th, 2015

Parenting a Child With ADD: Working With Your School

With my son’s blessing & permission, we are sharing our story of what is like to have & be the parent of a child with ADD in this continuing series. To read Part One of our diagnosis story, click here.  Part 2 continued the diagnosis and treatment process!  Today we tackle working with the schools! We welcome your comments and hope our story helps other families facing the same challenges.

I think one of the biggest challenges for me as a parent wasn’t just the treatment process, but more the stigma and worry about what having a label like ADD can do.  Before we dealt with this, I had always thought of this as kids being crazy (and probably indulging in too much sugar), but ADD/ADHD can be so different for each kid. Maybe you had an idea for that label too? It isn’t always necessarily hyper kids- I don’t think I would have identified my child as that. In each child, it looks a little differently with similar characteristic traits.

Today I want to talk about how we tried to set Ethan up for success at school.  I already told you, this kid is SMART (he gets it from his daddy!), but we needed to get certain tools and people in place to help him be the star that we know he is!

Parenting a Child With ADD: Working With Your School

Start Talking Early

We knew that Ethan was struggling at school and we felt like we needed to let our teacher know that we were working really hard to improve things for him and hopefully for her too! I set up a meeting with the principal and his teacher and tearfully explained that we were working with our doctor and were in the process of figuring things out and asked for a little patience until we had some answers. They both were genuinely kind and sympathetic as we were floundering to figure out how to help Ethan.  Looping them in early bought us a little grace during the diagnosis process because they knew we were trying very hard to make things better for all the parties involved.

Once we had a diagnosis, we were able to begin making the accommodations necessary through our public school system and our principal explained how we could get a 504 for Ethan in place once we had this paperwork. Depending on your needs, you may need an IEP or a 504.  If you are trying to figure out what you need, I love this table that breaks down what each of these means on Understood (a great resource for parents!). At times, with speech services we needed an IEP. When speech was dropped, we just needed the 504. It depends on what type of accommodations your family needs to determine which type of paperwork is filed.

What The Heck is a 504?

Once we had the official paperwork from the testing with our diagnosis, we put a plan in place for Ethan.  We set up a meeting with the principal, his teacher, and with someone who could set up something called a 504 plan for him. A 504 is basically a blueprint or plan for how a child will have access to learning at school that is written together.  It provides services and changes to the learning environment to meet the needs of the child as adequately as other students and is provided at no cost to you.

Here is the thing… I did not want to ask for special favors or inconvenience our teacher, but I knew that there were things that really needed to happen so that Ethan could perform successfully at school. It pained me to ask for “favors” (I am a big people pleaser and hate being a bother to people), but I knew this could help him so much!

Our 504 has pretty much remained the same since elementary school with a few tweaks here and there for his accommodations.

We Need To Be In the Loop- Our biggest issue was that we felt in the dark about what needed to happen during the day and if the teacher needed something from us. We asked that Ethan write in his agenda daily what needed to happen and requested the teacher initial to verify everything so we weren’t missing important papers and deadlines anymore. We also asked that any further communication that she wanted to do with us also was on the agenda so we could be sure not to miss anything.

We Need Access to Quiet Spaces Sometimes- Some classrooms are rowdier than others. He had a hard time focusing when there was a lot going on and we wanted to be sure that he could take advantage of a quieter room if he needed it. This is something we only have cashed in on once, but it’s nice to have in place.

We Asked for A Little Grace on Late Papers- This is never to be abused, but sometimes our disorganization has caused us to be late on assignments. We just asked for grace, particularly transitioning into our new school routines since having zeros for late assignments could really lower his grades.

We Need Extra Time At the End of the Day- This was particularly important as we headed into middle school so that he had enough time to get his books and papers gathered and organized before getting on the bus. That extra 5-10 minutes made an enormous difference in our organizational level and our grades. I think this was the best thing we asked for!

Where Does the 504 Go?

For us, one of our biggest transitions was going from an elementary school setting to a middle school setting. Although we had communicated with his teachers that he had ADD, we did not know that we need to communicate with the middle school that he had a 504 from elementary school and that we wanted to make sure everything was set with it moving forward into our new school. If there is one thing we learned through this process, we learned that we need to check in every year about this and make sure that it is communicated with his teachers. The first year of middle school taught us a lot about making requests known as we were struggling to even pass because the accommodations weren’t there.

What ends up being the difference in the grades if the 504 is not addressed?

We went from barely pulling C’s to High Principal’s Honor Roll!

That’s an incredible difference for a child and for their family.

It’s also an incredible difference in my child’s confidence about himself.

Parenting a Child With ADD: Working With Your School

How Can I Continue Making His Day Better?

Not only do we have the 504 in place for Ethan, but we take advantage of anything that the school offers that can continue improving those grades and helping him feel confident.

Confidence is such an important thing for a kid.

When our middle school offered free tutoring, we took advantage of that so he could stay after school and tackle that homework with help. We found that he was more productive in that environment than he was riding the bus trying to work on his homework when he got home.

We also looked into ways that he could burn off energy in a positive way. We were lucky enough to have gotten the scoop on cross country in middle school from another mom and this helped Ethan burn off some energy and be a part of a team that really fit with his personality.  I love that his coach focuses on each child doing their own personal best and that he has managed to find fun ways to encourage my child to run with a system of great rewards that Ethan finds motivating. We also love that running is an activity he can always do when he needs to burn off a little steam at home. What a great gift!

I wrote a special note to his coach to thank him for all he does to encourage our son because it has meant so much to us and to Ethan. His positive influence has been a big gift to our family.

How Can I Set My Kid Up for Success?

Success at school starts at home. I can do all of these incredible things for him through the people he interacts with at school, but if I am disorganized at home, those repercussions follow Ethan and make his day hard. It’s a team mentality and I struggle each year as the new school year starts. I can barely keep myself organized most days, let alone stay on top of someone else’s stuff too!

As a parent, I have to make sure that I communicate with his teachers from day one, I have to make sure the appropriate paperwork is filed on his 504, and I have to be the one to stay on top of everything with his homework and projects.

Being organized at home is important because it can be the difference between a good day and a bad day for my son.

As he gets older though, I am trying to push a little more back to him. Someday he will be an adult and he won’t have a mom setting everything up for him in his workplace and in his home. I want to raise a self-sufficient child so I have to do my part to help him do that. Sometimes he will do great with it, sometimes he won’t.

We don’t expect perfection, we are proud of him for trying and doing the best he can.

We certainly aren’t perfect either.

Parenting a Child With ADD: Working With Your School

The Nagging Mom Transformation

I needed to work on my nagging as much as Ethan needed to work on better habits.

In the morning, the routine was the same:

Do you have your papers?

Did you get your agenda signed?

Did you do your homework?

Do you have your gym clothes?

(said in a nagging mom voice)

I started utilizing a checklist that I would sit by his backpack to go through and would just remind him to check his checklist in the morning instead of the daily nag. I turned off my own distractions and just focused on a good breakfast and building that kid up at the bus stop. I made more time for hugs and less time for Facebook-checking. I tried to tell him one thing I was proud of him each day. All of this has become such a part of my routine that I don’t think about it anymore.

I don’t think this makes me an amazing mom and I don’t say this to brag, I just say this because part of the transformation of this diagnosis is the transforming I had to do on myself.  I had to see the psychologist so I knew how to respond to my child better. I have to invest the time monthly in check-ups and making sure his medical needs are addressed. I have to communicate with the school staff so they know I care. I have to make room in our schedule for activities that make my son feel confident.

It has all been worth it.

Every.

Single.

Moment.

I hope that sharing this story offers some encouragement to you. As a blogger, there is a difficult balance that we have to deal with when sharing about our families. I shared this because I felt so very alone in this process and I know our story can help others.

If you are working through this with your child, I want you to know that you are not alone and that you are a good mom.

The process of discovery, diagnosis, and treatment can be transformative for a family.

Your process might look different than mine or you might explore other avenues than we did. Each family must figure out what works best for them.

I have found I was a much harsher judge of other moms before this experience. Now I just look at all of our different paths (with all those winding turns) and say, “I am so proud of you for doing what’s best for you!”

If there is anything I have learned from this experience it is that it takes a village.

I am so thankful for mine.

xoxo

Parenting a Child With ADD: The Diagnosis (Part 2)

Tuesday, September 8th, 2015

Parenting a Child With ADD: The Diagnosis (Part 2)

With my son’s blessing & permission, we are sharing our story of what is like to have & be the parent of a child with ADD in this continuing series. To read Part One of our diagnosis story, click here. We welcome your comments and hope our story helps other families facing the same challenges.

Testing day could not come quickly enough, but it first required a session with the psychologist to explain our concerns. We didn’t just talk about his inability to follow through on tasks and disorganization (although that was frustrating). Our biggest concern was the emotional outbursts and anger that we were dealing with. We knew we weren’t handling these situations well and were concerned that not only were we dealing with a possible ADD diagnosis, but that maybe something emotionally was wrong too.

I remember that the doctor said that often by treating the ADD that these emotional outbursts lessen because the child is not so frustrated.  I certainly didn’t want to pin my hopes on that, but wouldn’t it be incredible if we were able to help both elements of our struggles as parents?

He said he would get us scheduled with some weekly visits for the anger issues though so we could get that under control.

Good, we needed it!

Testing, Testing

Testing day had finally arrived. We had lots of questionnaires to fill out and even ones to pass on to our teacher to share about how our son performed in the classroom.

Testing can be done in a variety of ways (every family needs to explore those options with their own doctor/psychologist)  and the psychologist we chose diagnosed through an IQ test. I remember nervously dropping him off with a big snack and a kiss for the morning.

Once the test results were done, we got to come back in and chat with the psychologist about the diagnosis.

What did the results show us? He was incredibly smart (you don’t have to tell us that!), but his memory/processing/sequencing (I apologize that I don’t remember the specific category) was extremely low. Since those numbers don’t correlate, he had every characteristic listed on every ADD site we ever visited, and the questionnaire filled out by us and by his teachers supported this theory, the psychologist said that he felt confident that our son had ADD.

Parenting a Child With ADD: The Diagnosis (Part 2)

He has ADD, Now What?

Hallelujah! We have an answer!  In my mind, someone gives us a prescription and we go along on our merry way and live happily ever after.

It wasn’t like that though.

The psychologist gave us the paperwork and we had to set up an appointment with our physician and then the doctor had to outline the treatment and then we had to go back to the psychologist.

Of course, we haven’t even touched the anger issues so we need to set up appointments for that.

Oh, and loop in our teacher and the school system.

Instead of relief, it felt like a million more pounds of stuff I needed to do.

First, we contacted our doctor and he had a complete physical that gave us information about where we were starting at (particularly his height & weight) and then she recommended a medication that we could try, letting me know that we could start a small dose and then increase the dosage based on what we needed. Since I know nothing about medication or dosage, I left this piece of the puzzle in the doctor’s hands.

She assured me she would keep a close eye on things since I would be seeing her once a month now.

WAIT, HOLD UP. I have to go to the doctor with my kid every month for this?

Granted, I know other moms who have had a much harder time with their kids and medical issues so this feels really ridiculous for me to feel like this is a burden, but the idea of going to the doctor monthly for physicals and having to have a handwritten prescription every month that I could not just get filled annually, but have to bring in a physical prescription every four weeks seemed like a lot to deal with on top of our counseling appointments.

It goes without saying, but the cost of all of these tests, medications, and physicals were also unexpected.

Pass the wine!  But just the boxed stuff because BILLS.

Treatment Begins

This is probably the hardest part of our journey and this journey can look so differently for so many families.

This was the part of the journey that Ethan wanted me to share specifically with you.

The struggles with figuring out the right medication and the right dosage for our child were extremely difficult as were the side effects that he experienced. Remember how I said I left the medication piece of the puzzle up to our doctor to figure out? We had no idea that the dosage was too high for our son because we had no idea what an appropriate dosage would be.

Although it is typical to experience side effects from medication as your body adjusts to it, our child did not even resemble my child anymore.

He could not sleep at night.

He barely ate.

He seemed like a robot.

After the first day in school on his medication though, he told me something though that nearly brought me to my knees.

“I finally feel smart.”

This beautifully bright boy had never felt smart until now and that just about broke me.

I was still riddled with the guilt of yelling at him and feeling like I failed him as a mom. What if I would have caught this sooner? What if I could have helped him feel smart years ago?  The guilt and the part I played in this story really bothered me.

We headed to our weekly therapy appointments to deal with anger.

Guess who sat out in the waiting room?

The kid with the anger management issues.

Guess who went to therapy?

My husband and I!

Oh, that made me so mad…

I wonder where he got those anger issues from.

As the doctor had suggested though, Ethan wasn’t angry anymore. We didn’t experience emotional outbursts, but we wanted to be prepared if they started back up again. My husband and I headed to anger management class and my son sat out in the waiting room reading his book, unaware how cool we were going to be after all this training.

Parenting a Child With ADD: The Diagnosis (Part 2)

nancy lary studios

Go With Your Gut

Even though Ethan felt really smart, I did not love the side effects of this medication he was on. I went along with the the plan despite my misgivings.  I regret that I did not speak up sooner for him and for our family.

After a year of living with a zombie, we ended up needing to switch doctors and I got a referral into one of the best doctors in our town. He immediately put him on the lowest dosage available and also selected a pill that would have very few side effects. Instead of changing my kid, it would just act as a little aid to help him tap into those smarts that he already possessed. I started to see my boy again and I knew we were on a better path.

What I learned from that experience was that I may not be a doctor, but I need to always be an advocate for his treatment.  If I’m not comfortable with how things are going, I need to speak up about it.

Since he is growing like a weed now and doing so well with this pill, we don’t have to meet with our doctor monthly, but we still have several meetings a month where our doctor talks to him about school and learning to tune in to the things that he experiences with his medication and learning how to utilize those cues as life skills if he doesn’t want to continue a medication later in life.  This is a conversation that the two of them have and I chime in as needed. It’s a good place to be in when you have such a great dialogue with your physician.

Now that we got through our biggest hurdles, we still had to address how we handled everything at school. Next week I’ll share what it has been like going to bat for Ethan in the school system and what I have learned from this experience together!

 

 

Parenting a Child With ADD: The Diagnosis (Part 1)

Tuesday, September 1st, 2015

Parenting a Child With ADD: The Diagnosis (Part 1) from MomAdvice.com

I am sure if you have been a reader here, you know how fiercely I guard the privacy of my children. Over the years I have struggled a lot as a mom and one of my biggest struggles was my son’s diagnosis with ADD. Through his diagnosis and treatment, we have had the opportunity to help so many parents locally who have been going through the same difficulties and  point them to doctors and resources that have helped improve their lives.

It is with his blessing and permission that I share our story today, in hopes we can help someone else going through the same struggles.

I am so proud of our boy for sharing his story to help other families! I hope you will leave him a little note to tell him that! 

Parenting a Child With ADD: The Diagnosis (Part 1) from MomAdvice.com

When Your Kid Doesn’t Fit in the Box

Ethan was the kind of kid that never fit into the box and this is just one of many reasons why I love him. From his shocking entry into the world (early and complete with a placental abruption that could have killed us both), I should have known he was going to challenge everything I thought about parenting.  Ethan hit most milestones normally with the exception of one… speech.  He was a silent baby and did not make any noises at all.  He rarely made eye contact with us and never turned to us when we said his name. Since he was my first baby, I had no expectations of what he should be doing, but others in our family and our pediatrician were concerned about his lack of speech. At ten months he qualified for early intervention speech therapy in Massachusetts. When my husband lost his job, we relocated around that time to Indiana, and I decided to hold off on the speech therapy and see if Ethan might blossom in his new location.

At eighteen months, he still made hardly any audible sounds and still would not turn to me when I called his name. We were placed into the First Steps program where he benefited from an incredible therapist who helped us both with Ethan’s speech delay and sensory issues. I remember thinking how ridiculous this all seemed as she played with playdough and blew bubbles with him on my kitchen floor. Clearly I knew nothing because not only did he start speaking, we couldn’t get this kid to shut up! The ability to speak helped curb some of his frustrated outbursts and baby signing helped us until he could communicate fully.

Instead of speaking like a baby though, he went full-out sentences and would fixate on one particular thing and talk about it nonstop. It began with trains and then later it was dinosaurs. This child who could not even say mom now said Ankylosaurus and had memorized an entire dinosaur dictionary. It was so wild to me!

Parenting a Child With ADD: The Diagnosis (Part 1) from MomAdvice.com

Everything is Fine Until You Have to Go to School

Since Ethan was an only child, our therapist thought he might benefit from being around other kids his age more, so we looked into a school program for him when he turned two. He loved school so much and I loved seeing his vocabulary growing. I remember that he was so busy and I couldn’t believe all this big energy that could be in such a little body!  Socially, we were struggling. Ethan would only do things he wanted to do, preferring to not interact with other kids at all unless they played his games. He never listened to anyone else- and only talked excessively about what he was into. In circle times, he did not sit like he was supposed to, preferring to get up and do laps instead of sitting.

To help improve our circle time at school, I took him to storytime at the library. As the kids sat in their mama’s laps and sang songs and listened to the librarian, my son refused to sit with me and spent the entire time lapping the room, ripping open the cabinets behind the librarian, and screaming if I tried to hold him in my lap. I sobbed in the parking lot and vowed I would NEVER do that to myself again.

We held Ethan back a year to see if he might benefit from an extra year of preschool before we put him in elementary school, thinking he had some social issues to work through. That year of Pre-K was one of the worst years of my parenting life. Ethan was bored in school and every morning to take him there was a battle and not the kind of battles I had ever seen any of my friends deal with. He kicked and screamed. He hit me. He would stretch his arms and legs as wide as they would go and refuse to get in the car. Many days, I took this five year-old kid and left him outside of his classroom, kicking and screaming. I would walk away and be glad I didn’t have to deal with him for a few hours.

It wasn’t my proudest moment as a mom.

I screamed at him.

I was embarrassed by his outbursts.

These moments of frustration were peppered throughout the years until he turned nine. He would have toddler-like tantrums about doing homework.

One night he barricaded his door with all of his belongings just to keep us out of his room.

He was always disorganized.

He would not bring home papers for me to sign, he would do work at school and just fizzle out at the end of worksheets for no reason, and he was always angry and frustrated with us.

Harder than that though, were the apologies after the outbursts and the crocodile tears down his face as he told us he was sorry and didn’t know why he was doing this.

I became a broken nagging record every single day, begging him to just, FOR THE LOVE, do your homework and bring your stuff home. HOW HARD IS IT? IT’S SO SIMPLE.

In fourth grade (for lack of better words), the shit hit the fan. As his teacher was preparing him for middle school, our frustrations got bigger and the homework got longer and the outbursts were out of control. He was so mean and so angry.

I was so mean and so angry.

As I shared my frustrations with a family member, she said, “That reminds me of so-and-so in our family.”

That so-and-so in our family had ADD.

Wait…what?

ADD- Is that Even a Real Thing?

I didn’t think ADD was a real thing, but was an excuse for disorganization and lack of discipline. Feel free to throw rotten tomatoes at me! I tend to believe that good exercise, a healthy diet, and vitamins are the cure for anything that ails you. The idea that my son had something that might require a doctor’s care and treatment baffled me.

I also felt ashamed that it made me feel relieved too to know there was something wrong and I wasn’t just a terrible mom.

If there is something wrong and we can figure it out, I can help us all.

As I clicked through website after website, these things that I thought were problems that only Ethan had, were actually characteristics of someone who had ADD.

  • Constantly fidgets and squirms
  • Often leaves his or her seat in situations where sitting quietly is expected
  • Moves around constantly, often runs or climbs inappropriately
  • Talks excessively
  • Has difficulty playing quietly or relaxing
  • Is always “on the go,” as if driven by a motor
  • May have a quick temper or a “short fuse”
  • Doesn’t pay attention to details
  • Makes careless mistakes
  • Has trouble staying focused; is easily distracted
  • Appears not to listen when spoken to
  • Has difficulty remembering things and following instructions
  • Has trouble staying organized, planning ahead, and finishing projects
  • Gets bored with a task before it’s completed
  • Frequently loses or misplaces homework, books, toys, or other items

It was as though someone knew our family personally and the struggles we were experiencing. Not only that, but when I flipped through his report cards, the teachers had even said some of these same exact phrases on his report card. Were they trying to clue me in?

Now that I thought I might know what the issue was, I was more determined than ever to get a proper diagnosis and not a quickie questionnaire in the doctor’s office. I wanted a true capture of what we were dealing with and how we could help our child.

We reached out to a psychologist in town for an evaluation and waited an excruciating two weeks until he could come in for testing.

That test changed our lives and our interactions with our child forever!

Come back next Tuesday for the continuation of our story!

 

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Review & GIVEAWAY: Empowered SAFETY Membership

Thursday, October 30th, 2014

How to Keep Your Family Safe by Monitoring Product Safety Recalls from MomAdvice.com.

*This post is sponsored by the Empowered SAFETY. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

When my children were small, I was absolutely obsessed with tracking recall information. Let’s face it; the sheer amount of equipment needed to keep your baby safe in that first year is astounding.  Back then I subscribed to Parents Magazine and would skim the magazine for the latest recall information. Over the course of those first few years as a mom, there were many recalls, but I was so busy and so tired that I struggled to stay on top of that and keep up with it all.  Thankfully, there are faster and easier ways to stay on top of recalls now.

This week I am partnering with a fantastic site called Empowered SAFETY to share with you all of the great advantages of a membership & how it can help you keep track of legitimate complaints & recalls when it comes to items you use in your home and the food you consume. We are giving everyone one free month to try this service and giving one lucky reader a six month subscription.

  How to Keep Your Family Safe by Monitoring Product Safety Recalls from MomAdvice.com.

What Does Empowered SAFETY Offer?

Did you know that there can be hundreds of complaints made to government agencies about child-specific products before a recall is actually issued?  Instead of waiting for the recall to occur, a subscription to Empowered SAFETY can alert you of the complaints prior to the recall even is issued.

With a premium membership you can simply match the products in your home with the half-million child products in Empowered SAFETY’s database, and you will receive an email notification on that product should complaints be made against it. It is as easy as that!

How to Keep Your Family Safe by Monitoring Product Safety Recalls from MomAdvice.com.

We aren’t just talking car seats and baby equipment though; the service also offers valuable information about food safety which, as we know, can be potentially life-threatening to a child with food allergies. You can receive the food recalls in the area where you live so you can stay on top of potential allergens and safety hazards in your home.

How Can This Help You When Making Purchases?

When I make purchases for my family, I spend hours online trying to decide which item will be the best for us based on the reviews of other shoppers. I hate wasting my money or time on purchase that don’t have longevity in our home. When it comes to purchases that keep our family safe, I really want to know that the items that I am choosing will do their job well and that I won’t find myself needing to replace them later.

Empowered SAFETY can let you know if the product you are thinking of purchasing has had any complaints on it, allowing you to be a more empowered consumer and saving you valuable time.

What Do They Monitor For You?

Complaints can come in many different ways and Empowered SAFETY monitors all the different sources so you don’t have to. Not only do they monitor actual consumer complaints, and product and food recalls and warnings to government agencies, they also follow news reports, legal filings, press releases, blog postings, federal & state agency websites for outbreaks & health alerts, as well as member-reported product issues.

As a busy mom, I certainly don’t have time to monitor all of that so a membership like this can save your family a lot of time, hassle, and unnecessary clutter from items that are potentially unsafe and won’t have longevity in your home.

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*This post is sponsored by the Empowered SAFETY. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

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Planning One-on-One Time with Kids

Monday, June 9th, 2014

From our marriage & parenting contributor, Mary Carver.

Spending One-on-One Time with Kids at MomAdvice.com

“I just . . . feel like you don’t pay any ATTENTION to me!” she wailed.

My six-year-old daughter, folks – the drama queen. Just half a dozen years under her belt, and already she’s a master manipulator, saying the words that cut deepest in my mama’s heart. I often ask my husband where on earth she could possibly get these traits – and then pretend not to notice when he stares at me pointedly.

Yes, it’s true we are a melodramatic bunch in my house, but despite the crocodile tears and bedtime delay strategies, I know there’s truth in my daughter’s complaint. We had a baby in January, and after being an only child for six years, my oldest daughter is having a rough time with the adjustment.

Don’t get me wrong! She LOVES her baby sister. Like, crazy over-the-top adores her. But she still has felt overlooked and underfed, at least in the attention department, and has found lots of ways to let me know. Even though her methods (and method acting!) irritate me, I’m thankful she’s spoken up so my husband and I know she needs a little extra assurance that we love her just as much as the tiny baby everyone keeps fussing over.

I know that so much of good parenting is being intentional, setting specific ideals and goals for our families and then following through. But man, oh man, is that ever difficult when you’re tired! And if there’s ever a time for being tired, it’s when a new child enters our homes and throws everything – sleep, meals, family dynamics – into chaos. Still, this is important.

So what’s a tired mom to do when one of her kids feels left out? Make a plan, of course! Okay, maybe a plan isn’t the obvious go-to solution for all of your problems, but if there’s one thing that makes me feel better about life, it’s a solid to-do list or outline. Or chocolate. So maybe there’s more than one thing…

ANYWAY.

Though I love plans and lists, I didn’t foresee this issue the way I did meal planning and grocery shopping. So while I spent my last trimester shopping, cooking and freezing in bulk, I neglected to plan ways to make sure my older daughter felt loved after we brought home her baby sister.

That’s okay, though! It’s never to late to make a parenting plan, and besides, your kiddos might be feeling overlooked for any number of reasons (not simply as a result of a new baby in the family). So let’s make a new plan together.

Planning One-on-One Time with Kids

My approach to planning one-on-one time with kids is three-fold:

First, I make sure we connect every day. Whether that’s an extra bedtime story or snuggling in the morning before anyone else wakes up, adding to our gratitude journal during dinner or discussing the latest kindergarten “gossip” in the car on the way home from school, I make sure to look her in the eye, hold her hand and listen to her heart. That seems like the bare minimum, I know, but slowing down enough to really connect with the people we love most can fall by the wayside easily on busy days if we’re not intentional.

Secondly, I ask my daughter for her opinion and input about family activities. When it’s appropriate, of course! I certainly don’t check with her before paying the bills or planning a date night with my husband. But occasionally, she gets to choose what we have for dinner (and then, ideally, help me fix it) or what movie we watch on a Friday night.

And on the day after school ended in May, we went to lunch for a “summer planning meeting.” I told her when she’d be attending summer school and theater camp, and what days she would spend with a babysitter or grandparents. But then I asked her who she’d like to invite over for playdates and what special summer activities she wanted to add to our list. (Sidewalk chalk paint, s’mores and a family game night, in case you’re wondering!) She loved feeling like her opinion mattered as we made our summer plans (and bringing her notebook to Chick-Fil-A for our “lunch meeting” pretty much made her day).

Finally, we plan dates. Sometimes it’s an actual outing:

– going to a movie
– getting ice cream cones
– shopping for a new outfit

But other times, it’s simply taking time to be together:

– reading an extra story at bedtime when the baby happens to fall asleep early
– walking home from school so we have more time to talk about her day
– letting her paint my nails
– having her tell me all about her make-believe superpowers and fairy princess friends

One-on-one time together doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. It doesn’t have to be fancy or formal, and you don’t have to spend hours on your city’s calendar of events or Pinterest to find the perfect activity.  Playing a round of Go Fish, making his favorite dessert together or playing catch in the backyard after dinner could be all it takes to make sure your kids remember that you think they’re special, all by themselves.

The point isn’t spending money or spoiling a kid who’s feeling underappreciated or overlooked. And sometimes, it isn’t even about spending hours and hours together, gazing into each other’s eyes or – even worse – wielding glue sticks and glitter to make the Pinterest-perfect craft that will prove your devotion and Mom of the Year status. It’s simply about showing your kids a little extra love when they feel unloved.

We all feel unloved at times, and our kids are no different. So whether it’s because of a new baby or a new house, overtime keeping you or your husband at work more than usual, or any stage when they need a bit more attention, making a plan to keep your relationship with them on track will go a long way.

And now I have to get busy typing up my daughter’s “Summer Plan,” because that was my action item after our lunch meeting and summer is already underway!

How do you spend one-on-one time with your kids? Have you ever made a plan to prevent one child from feeling neglected or overlooked?

Photo by Dave Parker

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Cloth Diapering 101

Sunday, September 10th, 2006

If you think of diaper pins and plastic pants when you think of cloth diapering, you have not seen the cloth diapers for today’s mom. Cloth diapers are a far cry from this image, and cloth diapering is definitely something to explore when you are a frugal mother. The days of origami, accidentally sticking your child with pins, and sloshing diapers in the toilet to rinse them are the diapering days of our mothers. I am here to tell you that cloth diapering is easy, affordable, and is worth every moment of your time and dollar investment. You will not believe how easy it is or how rewarding the process of cloth diapering is- both financially and environmentally.

First, let me begin my stating, I am not as earth-conscious as I should or could be. If you saw me, you would probably see me as just an average mom. I am not a tree-hugger and I am not a naturalist. I am not the stereotypical mother that many of you may think of when thinking of cloth diapering. I am just a mom who enjoys saving a buck. That is how I began the process of exploring cloth diapering. There was no noble cause or hidden agenda. I am just like you and I like to save my family money. Period.

Let’s begin my answering those questions you might have about cloth diapering…

How much money do you really save?

Everyone talks about how much money you can save with cloth diapering, but how much money are we really talking about? Let me start out by saying that you can make cloth diapering as expensive or as inexpensive as you want to. As with all things, there are the Cadillacs of the cloth diaper industry and the Pintos of the industry.  Your savings will be different depending on what you have decided to purchase.

For disposable diapers, the average cost per diaper nationwide is $0.28 per diaper.  If your child is not potty-trained until 3 ½ and you change your child every two hours, for fifteen hours (not changing during the time they are sleeping), you will average approximately eight diapers per day. Eight diapers per day would not be accurate when they are a newborn, but this is probably the average amount of diapers you would use on any given day. The total cost for this figure (3 ½ years, 8 diaper changes per day) would be $2,862.72.

For cloth diapering, the costs range widely and it is hard to give exact figures on how much these cost. Cloth diapering (including the cost of cloth wipes & laundering) can range between $400-1300 dollars. This figure ultimately depends on whether or not you choose the Cadillac diapers or the Pintos.  Regardless of the style that you chose, you still come out financially ahead by using the cloth versus the disposable.

What are the different types of diapers out there?

When I first began researching cloth diapering, I was really overwhelmed trying to figure out what types of diapers went with what, which was the best kind, and what the heck all of these abbreviations were. For me, it was literally like learning another language entirely. I had no idea what went with what or what people were referring to when discussing cloth diapering systems.  To help alleviate this problem, let me share with you what I have learned.

Prefolds:

Prefolds are the types of diapers you probably think of when you are considering cloth diapering.  They are a traditional cloth diaper with a thick strip down the middle. These are typically worn with a diaper cover and are one of the least expensive options for cloth diapering.  They come in three sizes- Preemie (4-10 pounds), Infant (newborn to 15 pounds) & Premium (15-30 pounds).

There are different types of prefolds out there and many abbreviations for them. A DSQ Prefold, simply means that it is Diaper Service Quality versus the type of diaper you would find in your discount store. They are more absorbent than the Gerber brand and are the type that you would pay money for from a diaper service company.  CPF stands for Chinese Prefold and it is the most popular type of prefold on the market. It has heavy-duty stitching, is usually made of twill, and washes up extremely well. Another option for prefolds are Indian Prefolds which are softer than the CPF and are made of gauze rather than twill. They are more absorbent, but do wear out a little faster than the Chinese Prefolds.

When your child outgrows the Infant or Preemie size diapers, you can reuse these for dust rags or they can be used as a diaper stuffer or to double up your stuffing at nighttime. We used a hemp insert & a prefold in our daughter’s pocket diaper before she went to bed. It makes for a bulky diaper, but we have never ever woke up to her being soaked in the morning.

Diaper Covers:

If you are interested in using the prefolds, you will probably want to purchase waterproof diaper covers too.  A prefold can be folded inside of the diaper cover and the diaper cover simply covers the prefold and acts as a waterproof barrier.

Fitted Diapers:

Fitted diapers can also be used with Diaper Covers. Instead of using a prefold, you can use a fitted diaper, which has elastic gathering around the legs and usually has snaps or a Velcro closure to keep the diaper together.  Place the diaper cover over the fitted diaper, and you are ready to go. These types of diapers are less expensive than other options, however, they are more expensive then using prefolds. Despite the cost, these got the thumbs up from my husband who found them to be much easier to use than the prefolds (particularly in the middle of the night).

Contoured Diapers:

These diapers are very similar to the fitted, but are missing the elastic gatherings around the legs and waist. The diaper has wings that need to be fastened. These also require a diaper cover.

Pocket Diapers:

Pocket diapers are usually made with two layers of fabric sewn together to form a pocket for an absorbent insert. This type of diaper just fastens on and does not need a diaper cover over it.

Inserts:

Inserts are used for pocket diapers. They can be made of a variety of materials- micro-terrycloth, regular terry cloth, hemp, or you can just use prefolds as inserts. “Doubling up” just means using more than one insert, which you could do if you were away for an extended amount of time or at nighttime before bed, to discourage leaking.

All In One:

You will often see this term abbreviated to AIO. An All In One is a cloth diaper that has a waterproof cover and an absorbent inner liner that is all in one piece, thus the name. These diapers fasten usually with a hook/loop or snap fasteners. The choice fabric for these is usually wool, for the outer layer. These types of diapers are heavily relied on by a lot of parents who need a convenient diaper for daycare or for babysitters.

One Size Diaper:

You will often see this term abbreviated to OS. A one size diaper usually fits the child from the day they are born until they are thirty to thirty-five pounds. These diapers usually have snaps that go across the diaper (making it smaller or bigger) and they can be folded over to create smaller sizes.  As the child grows, the snaps on the legs can become larger.

Wool Soaker:

A wool soaker is a diaper cover that is made exclusively of wool. This type of fabric has a high lanolin content, so it works well as a diaper cover. It can hold up to forty percent of its weight in moisture and can be used with fitted, contour, or prefold cloth diapers.

What do I need to get started?

The answer to this question depends on how much you want to invest to begin and how often you want to do laundry. If you are doing a load a day of laundry, you would need enough to do six to eight changes. If you plan to only do laundry every other day, then you would probably need enough to change your little one twelve to sixteen times.

When I began cloth diapering, I bought two dozen infant prefolds, four diaper covers, and had twenty pocket diapers. I could wash diapers every three or four days, which worked well for our family. It was a big initial investment, but I also remembered how many times we had to change our first child during those first few weeks. There was also that horrible thing that happens to kid when you start changing them, where you think they are done…but they are just fooling you. Some diaper changes would take two or three diapers before the diaper changing was all said and done.  I live by the philosophy of being over prepared rather than underprepared.  The amount that I bought worked best for us, but may be too much or too little for your own family.

I also knew that between nursing my daughter and chasing after my toddler, I would not really want to be running down to throw another load in every half day, so I just bought more to help reduce the stress of doing the laundry.

As my daughter has gotten older, we have needed less and less diapers so I have bought less as she has moved up a size.

Other items worth purchasing before you begin cloth diapering- cloth wipes (a couple dozen), a diaper pail (I used a trash can with a flip top lid), two wet bags (so you have one to line the pail while a load is in the wash), a diaper sprayer (if you plan to rinse your diapers), and a small wet bag that you can use to keep your dirty diapers in your diaper bag.

How do I launder and care for the diapers?

The answer to this question depends on a couple of different factors. One factor is if you plan to resell them and the other factor is the type of diapers that you buy.  Each person develops their own system.

My daughter was exclusively breastfed for the first six months so taking care of her diapers was very easy. The diapers were thrown into a trash can (lined with a waterproof wet bag) and I did not rinse them or dispose of anything inside of them.

As your child ages and they begin eating solids, their poop becomes more solid.  With my pocket diapers, I can just shake the solids into the toilet and throw them in my wet bag, just like before. You can also purchase a diaper sprayer, which attaches to your toilet, and give your diapers a spray to insure all of the solids have been removed from the diaper.  Another option would be to purchase a diaper liner which would act as a barrier between the diaper and the solids. You would just pull the liner out (solids and all) and either throw it away or flush it down the toilet (if the liners are flushable).  Please note that a diaper liner is not absorbent- you cannot use this in place of an insert. These just act as a barrier, not as an absorber.

All of these diapers were then thrown into the washing machine. I put in two tablespoons of detergent (any kind works great, although I have heard that the cheaper brands work better than the more expensive types). I then selected hot/cold, heavy duty cycle, with a second rinse.  In the beginning, I did a cold pre-rinse, but I found that the diapers washed up just as well without it so I omitted this from my routine.

After the diapers were done washing, I then threw all of the prefolds and diaper inserts into the dryer and dried them on medium-high heat. The diaper covers and pocket diapers were all line dried. These dry quickly and were usually dry by the time the inserts & prefolds were dry.

If there was any staining on them, I would hang them on our line outside. The sun acted as a bleaching agent and took any staining out of them, literally within a couple of hours.

Never ever use any fabric softener or fabric softener sheets when washing your diapers. The fabric softener leaves a residue that can cause your diapers to no longer absorb.

You will want to check the manufacturer’s guidelines for each particular type of diaper that you buy on how to launder it and if it needs several washes before being used (prefolds & inserts usually need a few washes before use). Read those guidelines and use your own best judgment on how you choose to launder your items.

I planned to resell our diapers, when we were done using them, so it was important that all of my diapers were line dried and well-cared for.  The diapers were in excellent condition when I sold them and I was able to get a higher dollar for them then if they had went through several dozen times in the dryer.

What if my diapers start leaking?

This may require a stripping of your diapers. If your diapers have been absorbing fine and all of a sudden the diapers stop absorbing, they may need to be stripped.

First, make sure that the diaper is still fitting your child well. Make sure that the snaps are snug on the legs and that the diaper has enough rise in it for it to completely cover their backside.

If the diaper is fitting well, you can strip your diapers and see if that increases the absorbency. You strip the diapers by running them through the wash until you see that there are no suds in the water. Sometimes the detergent can build up on them and this causes the decrease in absorbency. Two or three washes (without detergent) should do the job.

I have cloth diapered for almost a year now and never once have I had any issues with leaking diapers. I have never stripped them- ever. I think it is important to just not use a ton of soap- two tablespoons does the trick in our house and our diapers always smell fresh and clean.

I have black & brown spotting on my diapers- what could that be from?

Diaper rash creams can leave spotting on your diapers. Make sure to only use diaper creams that say that they are safe to be used with cloth diapers. Most companies that sell cloth diapers will have some types of creams that they can recommend to you.

When I needed to use diaper cream on my daughter, I just put a disposable liner in her diaper and put her regular cream on. This kept the cream from touching the diaper, and then I didn’t have to invest any money into special creams.

What about the smell factor?

To be honest, this was one of my main concerns about cloth diapering. In the beginning, there was no smell factor at all because breastfed baby poop does not smell. Now that she is older, the diapers can really smell.

There were precautionary things I did to reduce the diaper pail smell. I put a plug-in next to the diaper pail to help reduce the smell. I also wetted a wash cloth and sprinkled two drops of tea tree oil on the washcloth and threw it into the pail, which kept the smells to a minimum. On occasion, I would sprinkle baking soda into my wet bag to cut down on the odor.  They also sell diaper pail discs that you can stick into your wet bag or pail to reduce the smell. I thought the tea tree oil was a little less expensive and used this so it would be a little easier on my wallet.

I think the smell factor is no worse than a disposable diaper and the Diaper Genie that we used with our son. Diapers smell whether they are disposable or cloth.

What do you do when you are going to be away for a long time? Did you purchase disposable diapers?

During the day, I have no problems keeping my daughter dry, just doing our regular routine of one insert. If I know that we will be away for more than a few hours,  I just keep a stash of cloth diapers in my wet bag with me so that I could do the diaper change. Another option would be to just double up your insert or add an extra layer to your diaper.

Yes, there were times where we were out and about and leaking had occurred. This was usually my own fault because I had not changed her as soon as I should have.  Having done disposable diapers with our son though, I feel that we had no less and no more leaking than we would have normally.

The best part that I have found with cloth diapering is that these diapers stand up to the frequent blow outs that occur during the wee hours of the morning. When we had our son in disposable, we would traipse into his room in the middle of the night, change his pajamas, change the sheets, and stumble back into bed. When you are up to doing that kind of stuff, it can feel like an eternity. With cloth diapering, however, we have had no blow outs.  If you were considering doing cloth diapering part-time, doing it in the evenings is highly recommended!

Would you recommend cloth diapering with a newborn?

I didn’t find this to be as difficult as everyone claimed it would be.  I did buy a box of newborn disposable diapers, just in case the cloth diapering wasn’t going well.  My daughter was very tiny and we ended up having to buy preemie diapers for her because of her petite size. That was the only reason why I didn’t cloth diaper the first two weeks.  Once she was big enough to fit in them, we never looked back.

The laundry was not as much of an issue as I thought it would be either. When you have a new baby, you are already running around like a crazy woman throwing in load after load. One more load just didn’t seem as bad because of the frequency that I was doing laundry.

There is also a lot to be said about how washing diapers is just not optional. You have to wash them because your baby needs them.  In my case, I felt a lot of pride when I would wash them and put them together for her.  There is just nothing like the smell of a freshly washed diaper.

If I want to buy used diapers- where can I find them?

I bought our entire pocket diaper stash used on the internet. Search on eBay, Yahoo Groups, or on Baby Center Bulletin Boards to find people who want to buy, sell, or trade their diapers. Be sure to know what the regular price is on the diaper so you know what a fair price would be for used diapers. I got all of our pocket diapers for around ten dollars each (with the inserts included) and if I purchased them through a retail store, I would have paid around twenty dollars.

What do I do with the diapers when I am done with them?

If you are planning on having more children, I would suggest keeping them for the next child. When the next child comes, you will have no diapers to buy! If this is your last child though, selling the diapers can be a great way to make back some of the money you spent on them.

After my daughter was done with each size, I would resell them on eBay. Because I purchased the diapers used and took good care of them when laundering them, I was able to break even with very little investment. My daughter is eight months now and after selling back my first stash of diapers, I was out only thirteen dollars, and I am expecting a similar response to this next size. I was careful to consider which ones had the highest resale value and those were the types of diapers that we chose. Really researching before making your initial purchase will help you when the time comes to resell your diapers.

What brands of diapers & supplies did you use?

My favorite diapers were Fuzzi Bunz with a Hemparoo insert.  When my daughter was first born, however, we were able to get by with a Fuzzi Bunz diaper stuffed with a tri-folded microfiber cloth that I purchased from Target (in the automotive section).

Our diaper cover selection of choice was Bumkins with a DSQ Chinese Prefold.

I used baby washcloths, purchased from Wal-Mart, and just soaked these in warm water in our wipe warmer. If you prefer a sudsier wipe, you can use this diaper wipe solution recipe (on cloth wipes or using paper towels).

Homemade Baby wipes

Ingredients

  • Strong paper towels work the best (for example, Brawny).
  • 2 cups water
  • 1/2 cup of baby oil
  • 1/2 cup baby magic baby bath

Directions

  1. Cut one roll of paper towels in half.
  2. Take out the core so wipes pull out of the center.
  3. Place 1/2 roll of paper towels in container.
  4. Pour solution over towels.
  5. Store in container. Makes 2 1/2 rolls.

Preparing for Your New Baby – Tips for New Parents

Tuesday, March 7th, 2006

Preparing for a new baby is an exciting and scary time, especially with the first child. When our son was born, we had no idea what we would need to do to get our home ready for our sweet little bundle of joy. I read every book that I could on preparing the nursery, bought all of the proper bedding, and washed his tiny little baby clothes. These were the things that I thought would be the most important in preparation of his homecoming. With the second child though, I began to realize that I would need to complete many more tasks before we brought our daughter home. I would now be performing the balancing act of raising two children and I would need to really be on top of my game this time. This article will explain a few simple things that I found to be helpful in preparing myself & my home for the new baby.

Fill Your Freezer

One of the best things that you can do for yourself is to begin filling your freezer a few months before your baby arrives. The last thing you are going to want to do when you get home is to prepare meals for the family. You are going to be very tired and the first thing that will pop into your mind when the dinner hour rolls around will be… take out, of course!  To save yourself from resorting to a hamburger & fries every night (not to mention the blow it would be to your wallet), start making doubles of your dinners once a week.

Choose a day that is easiest for you to prepare an extra dinner for your freezer. Fill the freezer with things that are easy to double and to reheat. Some of the things that I chose to fill our freezer with were meatballs, meatloaf, pizza dough, casseroles, & lasagna. Make sure to clearly mark the outside of the packaging with what the item is and the date of preparation. It is also helpful to include (either on the outside of the meal or on a piece of paper tucked inside the freezer bag) directions for reheating & cooking your meal.  Feeding your freezer will really help you in the early weeks when you are sleep deprived & dinner is the last thing on your list to complete.

Thank you, Thank you

Make sure to purchase plenty of stamps & thank you notes to keep on hand. Making a trip to the post office or card shop will be last on your list of things you would want to do in the first few weeks after bringing your child home. The gifts will really add up and I found myself overwhelmed with thankfulness and notes that needed to go out to everyone. I kept track of these gifts by keeping a notebook next to the cards and writing down any baby gifts, gift cards, or meals that I received from my family & friends. If I had a spare moment (these were very few & far between), I would jot down a thank you note and send it out in the mail. Having these items on hand really helped me get them out just a little bit quicker.

Diapers Galore

There will be lots of diaper changes in your future after bringing your baby home. If you are planning on using disposable diapers, add diapers to your grocery list a few months before the baby arrives and pick a box up each time you go. Try to avoid buying a lot in the smaller sizes (newborn or preemie) because you will be surprised how few of these most people go through. Picking up a box here & there will feel like you are not spending as much on the diapers and you won’t have to make a diaper run in the evening when you are tired & ready to unwind.

If you are cloth diapering, make sure to get your stash of diapers ready ahead of time.  Most diapers will require a series of washes before they are ready to be used. Make sure to read all of the manufacturer’s instructions and get the diapers ready in advance.

A Little Convenience

There are items that I consider to be convenience items that many people keep in their homes on a daily basis. If you are like me and keep few convenience items in your house, now would be the time to bend the rules a little bit. There were a few convenience items that I bought to help make things easier in the first few weeks.

Paper products were one of the items that I added to my grocery list before the baby was born. I purchased paper plates and cups to save me time from washing dishes. These are not items that I normally keep in our house, but it saved me a little time in the kitchen.

Another item that I felt was helpful to have on hand were cleaning wipes for the bathrooms & kitchen. We had lots of visitors coming to see our new baby and it was much easier for me to whip out a cleaning wipe and swipe down the bathrooms & kitchen then to get out my caddy of goodies to get the rooms looking clean. I am a frugal gal at heart, but there are times where convenience is very helpful.

We also bought some convenience foods that my husband could prepare for himself & our son. It was nice to have a few things that they could put together without my help.

Feeding Yourself

You will find eating to be a difficult task when you are caring for a newborn. I found myself not setting aside any time to eat and when I would want to eat, our little one would be hungry as well. To make sure I got the nourishment I needed, I kept a basket of snacks that I could eat between meals. Try to take note of the things that they offer to you at the hospital for snacks and use this as a guide towards healthy snack options that you can indulge in. I filled my basket with granola bars, cereal bars, crackers, and fruit. We also kept string cheese, baby carrots, and fat-free puddings for me to eat. One-handed snacks are the best for those early days when you are constantly feeding & bouncing your baby.

Don’t forget to try and feed your mind a little bit too. Keep a basket of books or magazines next to the place where you do the majority of your feedings. The material doesn’t need to be intellectual, but it should be able to provide a little “escape” from the everyday monotony of diaper changes and feedings.

Conclusion

Hopefully, these suggestions will help as you prepare for your new little family member. Remember, try and enjoy this time as much as you can. They are only little like this once and the days will fly by quicker than you realize.

Diaper Bag Essentials

Monday, May 16th, 2005

There was a time in my life when I could hop in the car, carrying only a purse, and head out the door with absolutely no planning. Ah, those were the days! Upon having our son though, I realized that any trip out the door had to be a well-executed one and it often took hours just to get ready for our destination. As he has gotten older, I can now stash the essential items he needs conveniently in my gigantic mommy purse, but those days of enormous diaper bags are definitely not far from my memory. Here is a list of my own essential diaper bag items.

Diapers

Obviously, if we are packing a “diaper” bag, we will need diapers. But how many diapers do you need? This will depend on the length of the trip and the age of your child. When they are infants, they are being changed every hour so a diaper per hour would suffice. This amount of diapers would only get you by, however, if you have no explosive emergencies. It was my rule of thumb to carry what I needed and to add two just to be safe. I would rather carry a heavier diaper bag then be stuck with a nasty emergency without the necessary tools I would need to resolve it.

Diaper Cream

Sore bottoms can happen at any time and it is good to always have some diaper cream on hand when a rash strikes.

Wipes

Wipes are handy, not only for wiping little bottoms, but also for wiping messy faces. I usually carry a big sack of them with me because I use them to wipe bottoms, faces, and runny noses. Store these wipes in an airtight container to retain the moisture in them. You can also make your own wipes with this wonderful recipe:

Homemade Baby wipes

Ingredients

  • Strong paper towels work the best (for example, Brawny).
  • 2 cups water
  • 1/2 cup of baby oil
  • 1/2 cup baby magic baby bath

Directions

  1. Cut one roll of paper towels in half.
  2. Take out the core so wipes pull out of the center.
  3. Place 1/2 roll of paper towels in container.
  4. Pour solution over towels.
  5. Store in container. Makes 2 1/2 rolls.

Changing Pad

You never know where you will end up changing your baby and you also never can tell what the sanitary conditions will be like where you are. Keep a changing pad in your diaper bag and use a soft burp cloth for layering if the surface is too hard for your little one.

Antibacterial Gel & Wipes

Antibacterial gel really comes in handy after you have changed a dirty diaper. The wipes will also come in handy when you have to set your child in a germ-infested grocery cart, on playground equipment, or just to give your kids a good swiping after another child has sneezed on them. Trust me, you are a mother, and it is okay to be a little germaphobic especially when you are a new mommy.

Burp Cloths

These are wonderful not only for all of that spit-up, but they can also be essential in padding your changing table or cushioning a little head.

Zipper Bags

Zipper bags are one of those things that you just can’t live without especially in the early years. These bags are perfect for storing those soiled diapers, as well as soiled clothing. These items can really leave an odor in your bag, if you have nowhere to dispose of them, so tuck a couple of dryer sheets in for good measure to keep your bag smelling fresh.

Clothing

Store, at least, one extra outfit for any diaper emergency. Nothing is worse than having a soiled outfit and nothing for you to change your child into. Trust me on this one- I have been there!

Feeding Supplies

Feeding supplies can mean an array of things depending on what stage your child is at and what you are feeding them. If your child is formula-fed, bottles and extra formula will be needed. For children on solid foods, they may baby food, spoons, bowls, and a small snack for the road.

Pain Reliever

It may seem like this is not a diaper bag essential, but pain relievers are a necessary component to a diaper bag. Keep acetaminophen or ibuprofen in your bag to provide pain relief. This is good to have on hand for your doctor visits when your child receives shots or when a fever or illness comes on suddenly. A teething gel is also good to have on hand when your child’s gums are swollen and painful from cutting teeth.

Blanket

A blanket is great to keep your child warm when they are chilly, can be used to cover an area where they are sitting, and also can keep your child’s head propped up when they are unable to hold their head up by themselves. Blankets are also useful for your baby’s doctor check-ups because they can keep the child warm when they must be unclothed for their doctor visit.

Entertainment

Be sure to have a couple of toys or books on hand to provide entertainment for your child when you are out and about. The amount of entertainment you need can vary on the child’s age, but you never know how long you will have to wait for your appointments or when standing in line so be prepared.

Extra Goodies

A couple of other extra goodies that you might like to keep on hand are your cell phone, a water bottle, a snack for yourself, and nursing pads.

I know that the list is long, but as your child gets older your list will get shorter. We are now able to throw a couple of toys, a cup of juice, a snack, a couple of diapers, and a pack of wipes in our bag and walk out the door instead of all of the items listed above. Tailoring down our diaper bag essentials was something that our family looked forward to and it is nice to be able to leave the house with everything stored neatly in my purse.

Please be sure to visit our printable Diaper Bag Checklist for a quick list of what you need to get out the door. This checklist can be conveniently placed in the pocket of your diaper bag or tacked on your refrigerator to be checked off before heading out the door.

It is difficult to remember all you need when you are a new and tired mother so let us do the work for you! This tool can hopefully aid you in having a stress-free outing with your child and help you to be prepared for all of those little baby emergencies.

Finding a Moms Group

Friday, May 6th, 2005

Becoming a mom was both an exciting and scary time for me. I returned back to work full-time and, despite these great changes in my life, found that my work & friendships resumed back to what they were before I had my child. I still had people to talk to and was not really seeking anyone or anything else in my life. My life was busy and my days were full with working, caring for my child, and maintaining our home.

Upon relocating to a different state, I was thrown into the world of being a stay-at-home mother. I would never complain about being a stay-at-home mom because it has been a dream come true for me, but I lost that contact with the outside world and also with the friends that I had made.

The day we moved, I began to search frantically on the internet to find a mom’s support group. I knew that I needed friends desperately and I also wanted my son to have other children to interact with. I ran across a Mother’s & More group, and knew that I had finally found peace & the human interaction that I was looking for. The group offered everything I was looking for and more. My very first meeting, I handed over my membership dues and eagerly anticipated each and every activity. It was my life support and I know now that having this group brought me more satisfaction then I dreamed possible.

While I am crazy about Mothers & More, I believe any mother’s support system that you can find can be beneficial to any mother. As a mother, we are all looking for different things in a support system. Some people join to educate themselves on topics about parenting, others are looking for playgroups where their children can play, some are looking for volunteer opportunities, and others are just looking for other mothers to talk to. Whatever your reason may be for finding a support group, know that having a good support system can really be beneficial to you especially if you are a stay-at-home mother.

I have put together a list of support groups that are nationally (and sometimes internationally) known for providing support to mothers:

MOMS (Mothers Offering Mothers Support) Club

 

What It Is

This group is geared towards stay-at-home moms. The group meets during the day and they allow children at all of their meetings. The childcare is provided by volunteer members who supervise the children while the mothers meet.

History

This group was started in 1983 by a stay-at-home mother because she was looking for a group that met during the day and where her children could accompany her at her meetings.

What Do They Offer

This group offers volunteer opportunities, a newsletter, and meetings.

Membership

There are 1500 chapters with over 75,000 members. This group offers chapters in both the United States and internationally.

Cost

Member dues are low and between $15-30 per year. They keep member dues at a minimum because they know that these moms make a financial sacrifice to be home with their children.

National Organization of Mothers of Twins Club

 

What It Is

Are you the parent of twins? Triplets? Quads? Quints? More? If you are the parent of multiple children, then this group is for you. This group offers local groups for Mothers of Twins (MOTC), Mothers of Multiples (MOMC) or a Parents of Multiples Clubs (POMC).

History

This group was founded in 1960 to promote the special aspects of child development which relate specifically to multiple birth children.

What Do They Offer

This group offers monthly meetings discussing the care and development of multiple birth children, as well as other topics of interest. Clothing & equipment exchanges and club libraries are some of the other invaluable services.

Membership

There is a network of more than 475 local clubs representing over 23,000 individual parents of multiples, twins, triplets, & quads.

Cost

Member dues are $9 per member.

Holistic Moms Network

 

What It Is

This group is for mothers who have an interest in holistic health in parenting. This group is not limited to just moms though because they open their membership up to dads, grandparents, and the partners of the mothers as well. They welcome nursing infants and toddlers at all of their meetings and you are encouraged to breastfeed at all of their events.

History

This group was started in 2002 by a support group in New Jersey . These people came together because they were looking for support and friendship from others who shared the same ideals.

What Do They Offer

The group meets at least once per month. Some of the groups offer playgroups as well.

Membership

There are no statistics on the amount of groups there are at this time, however, new groups are added all of the time. Check the Chapters page for information about groups in your community.

Cost

Member dues are $35 per year and $50 for a family membership (self & spouse/partner).

Mocha (Mothers of Color At Home) Moms

 

What It Is

This is a support group for mothers of color who are choosing to be stay-at-home moms.

History

This group was started in 1997 by two mothers through a newsletter called, “Mocha Moms” in hopes of connecting with other mothers of color. The newsletter grew into a support network and they were incorporated in 1999.

What Do They Offer

This group offers support meetings on topics pertinent to you as a stay-at-home mom, community service projects, mom’s only night outs, and kid’s socials. They also offer volunteer leadership positions and the first online magazine publication for stay-at-home moms of color, “Mommy Too.”

Membership

There are 1500 chapters with over 75,000 members. This group offers chapters in both the United States and internationally.

Cost

They offer two types of membership, local chapter affiliations and at-large membership. The local chapter affiliations are $20 per year and this gains you access to anything in your local chapter. The at-large membership is $10 and offers participation in national, regional, state, and online activities.

Mothers & More

 

What It Is

This group offers support to moms and champions the value of work that all mothers do whether it be paid or unpaid.

History

This group was founded in 1987 by a mother who had left the workforce after the birth of her first child. The group was originally called F.E.M.A.L.E. (Formerly Employed Mothers at Loose Ends) and is now called Mothers & More to reflect the additional roles mothers play during their active parenting years.

What Do They Offer

They offer meetings with topical discussions, guest speakers, mom’s night out activities, playgroups, family outings, and more. Each chapter has its own unique personality and adapts to the needs of their particular members. They also offer volunteer positions both locally and nationally.

Membership

The group serves over 7,500 mothers in the United States and beyond.

Cost

Member dues are $45 per year and this gains you access to both the local & national activities and publications.

MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) International

 

What It Is

This is a group that celebrates motherhood, aids in meeting a mother’s needs, and a group that helps mothers experience God’s love through relationships and resources. They nurture and provide acceptance to all types of mothers- teens, urban, suburban, etc.

History

The group was started in 1973 with a group that met in Colorado. They met together for two hours, did a craft together, and ended their meeting with a short devotion.

What Do They Offer

MOPS meets in local churches and offers meetings on a variety of topics related to your role as a mother and in parenting. They offer childcare for your children while you meet. Their meeting consists of a teaching segment or presentation by one or more of the members which focuses on parenting, marriage, and other issues, a small discussion lead by members, a craft for the moms, and social time. In addition, they offer leadership retreats and a monthly newsletter.

Membership

There are more than 3200 MOPS groups meeting across the United States and in 33 countries around the world. Groups vary in size and there can be anywhere between 10-200 members in each group.

Cost

Meeting fees vary due to the fact that churches can support these fees through their ministry or through fundraising efforts of the group.

La Leche League, International

 

What It Is

This group provides support and encouragement to breastfeeding mothers.

History

The group has been around since 1956 when they had their very first meeting in a member’s home. At the time, breastfeeding had dropped down close to twenty percent.

What Do They Offer

The group offers monthly meetings, a bimonthly magazine, and telephone assistance for mothers with breastfeeding questions. They also offer discounts on breastfeeding items and La Leche League Publications, and regional & international conferences.

Membership

La Leche League groups are all over the world and new groups are forming all of the time. Visit their website to learn how you can start your own La Leche League group.

Cost

Membership dues are $36.

National Association of Mothers Centers (NAMC)

 

What It Is

This is a non-profit umbrella organization which includes more than 50 mother’s centers across the country.

History

These centers have been around since 1975.

What Do They Offer

Mothers’ Centers are self sustaining, non-profit groups where mothers meet, engage in discussion groups, enjoy a respite from their child caretaking role (childcare is available while the Mothers’ participate in groups), and help keep their center going through cooperative responsibility. Center members can use their expertise and talents while trying out new skills.

Membership

This group has more than 50 mother’s centers across the country.

Conclusion:

If you are unable to find a mother’s group in your area, think about starting a group in your own town. You are not alone in looking for relief from isolation and the need to feel validated for what you do. On each website they have provided information on starting your own group.

If you are still looking for other moms to talk with, look on meetup.com and see if there are any groups of women meeting and looking for the same things as you.

Whatever you do, know that you are not alone. Also know that there are other people, just like you, who are looking for friendship and encouragement in this crazy adventure we call “motherhood.”