True Confessions of Motherhood

Day one of blogging and I get to begin with a confession- I almost beat my kid today. Yes, call the Child Protective Services because I was inches away from giving my child a royal spanking in Chickfila.

I am not a big fast food junkie, but once a in awhile I enjoy a little fast food. I received a nice free kid’s meal coupon from Michael’s when I went to get some flowers for my table, and thought since I had the craving for fast food that this would be a good time to use it.

I walk in, with Ethan in tow, and he starts saying, “Slide, slide!” Noticing the nice play area behind us, I tell him that we will get to play on the equipment AFTER we eat. I don’t think the sentence had even flowed from my mouth before he was running over to the play area. My SIL tackles him and brings him screaming to me as I try to place my order for a kid’s meal for the very ungrateful child who is now kicking and screaming before me. Trying to keep my cool, I reach for Ethan and he begins to scream, kick, and make himself limp. If you have a toddler I am sure you know exactly the type of limpness that I am referring to. The “I’mgoingtomakemyselfasheavyaspossible” limp. I walk him over to our table and try to put him in the high chair with no success. He is kicking and screaming, “No chair! No chair” There are snot and tears everywhere and he is screaming at the highest tone that he can. I drag him screaming out only to be stopped by a well-meaning stranger who has let me know that he has lost a shoe in the process of kicking me. I take him out to the car and put him in his car seat and shut the door. I do not yell (go me!) or spank him (go me!) but I do contemplate doing both. Instead, I stand outside of the car and breathe deeply and chant, “I will not spank, I will not spank, I will not spank.” My SIL brings the food out to the car and we leave- there are no rewards for bad behavior in this car and the rewards include the coveted french fries as well as playing in the play area. My SIL kindly reports to me that one elderly lady said that she wished she would have turned her hearing aid down since we were so loud. Thanks lady! And your kids were perfect? Tell me, what was that like? UGH!

Published February 15, 2005 by:

Amy Allen Clark is the founder of You can read all about her here.

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