I woke up this morning to red eyes and a tear-stained pillow because I had been anticipating the big event in our house. I still can hardly believe that he went to school today.
Last night we went to his back-to-school night and met his teacher. Ethan spent the evening working on a card to bring her and we got apples at the supermarket so he could give her one. When he walked in with his apple and card, he was so excited to hand it to her. “Will she put it on the corner of her desk, mommy?” I think he saw this on a show or in a book somewhere because the apple placement was almost more important than the apple itself. When she thanked him for the apple and centered it on her desk, he pointed to the corner of her desk. “Could you put the apple here instead?” She grinned, but obliged. I tried to make quiet small talk with the teacher and signed my name on the volunteer sheet. It took everything in me to not say things like, “My son is so amazing- you have no idea how amazing he is! He is so incredibly gifted and smart! Will you love having him around as much as I have?” I didn’t want to be that mom though so we said our goodbyes and held hands as we walked out the door.
It’s funny, when my daughter looks at a picture of our family she points at each person and says their name. “That’s my mommy. That’s my daddy. That’s my Ethan.” The inflection and the possessiveness of that phrase let’s you know just how special he is. He is hers and only hers. He is her big brother, her hero, and her best friend.
As I watch him climb the bus, that possessiveness rings in my heart. That’s my boy. That’s my colicky baby. That’s my stoic toddler. That’s my bubbly preschooler. That’s my gentle & kind son. That’s my Ethan. My. My. My.
Bittersweet.
Awww…you made me cry! I’m sure today was a hard milestone but also a good one. My son is two so it won’t be long before I’m waving goodbye to him on the school bus. Enjoy the one on one time with your daughter!
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Oh, Amy. I didn’t read your whole post because I can’t. Last year, on the first day of school, I dropped my 12-week-old baby at day care for the first time, and I sobbed all. day. long. Like, crazy woman, hysterical sobbing. I thought I was going to have a breakdown.
I’m sorry to tell you that it didn’t get better the next day. Or the next one after that.
By a week (or four) later, I had adjusted a little and realized that she liked day care, as much as a person that young can like anything.
Rest assured that you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. He’s supposed to grow up and start doing his own thing, and you are supposed to miss him. He is going to love kindergarten, and you are going to love your quiet time.
Be there with a great snack and a hug when he comes home.
Hugs to you!
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WOW I can feel your emotion in this post. It is hard to start letting go of our kids as they grow.
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Oh, this is early for school! And what great pics. You’ll do find, Mama!
Steph
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Aw, man – is THAT what I have to look forward to next fall? *sniff, sniff*
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My son left yesterday to go back to college, his 3rd year. It doesn’t get any easier.
I still remember the first day of nearly every year of school. It signals the end of lazy summer days, of plenty of family time, and of having them all to myself.
However, there are lots of exciting things to come as well. When he suddenly says a phrase you’ve never heard before and you ask him where he learned it and he says, “at school”. You realize that being with other people is a good thing for him.
Congrats on your first day, and your son’s too. May you have many happy first days to come.
By the way, we celebrated the first and last day of every school year by going out to our local Chinese Restaurant. My kids still love the tradition.
(((HUGS)))
Connie
http://www.princesstimetoys.com and New Avon Lady!
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Awww Amy! I dread that day, I still have 1 more yr of preschool but I will be crying too! Do something fun that you couldn’t do with kids around. Go walk around Macys and look for an hour-uninterrupted!!
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Your honesty brought tears to my eyes. I remember my children’s first days of school and am amazed at how quickly they grow up. Your heart will fill with joy when you see the bus pull up after school today. Enjoy your time alone with Emily, also.
May God bless you abundantly.
Jodi
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Amy – I remember sending our first off to school and it was so overwhelming! It will continue to break as he grows older and feels like he doesn’t need you…until he does and comes to lay beside you – those are precious moments too.
What sweet photos – thanks for sharing!!
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Great. I was trying to be the strong one as we stood at the bus stop, but it’s days like this I wish I didn’t subscribe to my own wife’s blog.
The memories of holding him when no hat fit, no bit of comforting made a difference to him at 2AM, and nothing else mattered in the world just came rushing back.
Thank goodness I can fall apart here at work in private.
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I am all choked up too. Last week I was all proud of my three year old being able to ride his bike, I can’t imagine when he goes to school. Our babies are no longer so.
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Hugs and best wishes for a good day with your little girl. The school day will be over before you know it, and he’ll be home and chattering all about his wonderful day at school.
Hang in there!
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This sounds like me last year. I could barely keep myself together.
I hope your son has a great day and you too!
This year we are homeschooling. First grade starts next Monday for us.
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Aww! I hope Ethan has a wonderful day of school. He’s sure to remember it for a long time! I still remember the dress I wore to my first day of school, lol.
It’s sad thinking about just how fast they grow. I’m sad with you–and my baby is 20 weeks in utero!
He’ll always be your Ethan. He just gets to meet some new friends and learn some new things now.
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Awwwww…..The first day of school is always the worst! I still get kind of weepy because each year they get older and older.
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I know how you feel! When they go in like a big kid and don’t even look back and it’s all you can do to get to the car for the tears…My oldest will be a senior this year, and I keep thinking this will be the last time for the first day of school:( Be sure to let us know how your daughter handles the day without him. My youngest was lost for about 2 weeks when my middle child went to school for the first time.
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So cute! He’s such a cute kid. I am dreading this day with my son (he’s only 2) but I know I’ll feel the same bittersweetness as you!
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Awww, what a great post. Just wait til you’re sending him off to high school, riding in the car (!!!!) of one of his friends. Then you’ll spend all day pacing up and down, hoping he wasn’t killed, lol.
((((hugs))))
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I can see how close and tight you are holding him in that first photo, but also how proud you are of him at the same time. I can only imagine how hard it is for you, but I’m sure he will love it and that will make it easier for all of you! I love that your husband posted, how sweet!!
sending hugs!
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Awwww, hang in there Mama! I know just how you feel. Such a sweet boy, and a sweet post. (((HUG)))
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That will be me, 3 weeks from tomorrow. I cried reading your post and expect to cry again on Sept. 3.
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GREAT pics and a sweet, sweet post. Praying for your family today.
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Beautiful post, Amy. I love that your sweet husband chimed in. Our son is transitioning to 5 day kindergarten in September and as you say, it’s very bittersweet. Wonderful pictures too. One of your best posts.
*sniff*
Lisa
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Such sweet photos, Amy. Hope Ethan has a great day (and you, too!)
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Even us dads get a little emotional around back to school time. Last week my oldest started 3rd grade! Seems like just yesterday we were meeting with her pre-K teacher.
It’s hard to watch them leave because we know that no one takes as good care of them as we do. Saying a morning prayer asking God to watch over them, their teachers, and their classmates provides some comfort. Hang in there–and just think how excited you’ll be to see him arriving home this afternoon!
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Crying here too…what a sweet and touching post. The pictures are adorable. Thanks for sharing.
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Yeah, me too. I have another week with my Big Girl and then it’s off to Kindergarten. I’ve been dreading it as much as I’ve been looking forward to it.
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I have to admit — I was like that before the start of the school year *every* year. It never felt like it got any better to me. But, I always hated sending my kids off to school. But, here we are on the first day of school for the school my kids should go to, and this is the first year with no tears. Then again, they’re also staying home this year, so I suppose that could be why. LOL
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You made me cry too. My Ethan will be starting PreK 3 next week. I miss MY little baby
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For me it wasn’t so much dropping her off for the first day of preschool. It was the first time I left her at preschool alone after she was diagnosed with diabetes. I felt like she needed me. But you know what? She’s doing just fine.
I thought I was fine when I came back to work after maternity leave with my second, but the minute I walked through the office door I broke down.
Just think of all the stories he is going to have tonight. Don’t feel sad that a chapter is closing, feel happy that he is growing up and moving on to the next stage.
(OMG, just read your husband’s comment and the other dads. Good to see that they too get weepy.)
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Great post! I know I will be the same this time next month, though, as my son starts preschool.
I’ve been on the other side of this situation before, as the teacher. I had no real idea of how heart-wrenching it is as a parent!
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Oh, I’m sad for you… tears in my eyes. Thanks for sharing.
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I love the picture of you and him together – oh, how grown up a Kindergartner suddenly looks. I can only imagine how hard this was – I find that I, too, want others to love my children just because I love them so much. Thanks for sharing your heart!
Hugs – Monica
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Amy, I can’t believe how fast they grow, can you? Mine is getting ready to go to preschool and I’m already a weepy mess. And it’s preschool!!! Sigh. Hang in there. I doubt it gets easier, but it’s well worth it!
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Oh, you are so brave! My josh has 2 weeks left and I am already just tearing up! The apple idea is darling, I am going to swipe that!
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Stop making me cry!
I get to do this next week — my daughter is so excited, so of course, I am excited along with her. I just can’t believe it’s time for Kinder already!
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Amy, it doesn’t get easier; watching our children take these giant steps toward independence. My oldest is 15 and now I think it’s even harder knowing that in 3 short years I’ll be moving her to a college dormitory. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain my heart will feel on that day. But in hindsight, we must remember what pride we took in each of these milestones as children. I remember my first day of kindergarten, jr. high, high school and college just as if it were yesterday (and believe me, it’s been many yesterdays) and just how grown-up I felt on each of those occasions.
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So sweet…such a great picture of you two. Hang in there momma!
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What? School already? What day is it? Our school doesn’t start until after Labor Day and I’m starting to get nervous. It is making me especially nervous hearing about your first day experience. I know I’m going to have a hard time leaving him in class, I will want to stay!
Oh, good luck with the rest of the week!
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Oh My!!! I remember that first day so well….of course I cried again when I read your post. I went thru it once with my daughter and was blessed many years later to take my two grandchildren to school on their first days (their mom is a teacher at a different school). There were no less tears when I took them….what a blessing to be able to be there for them. Your children are also blessed to have a mom with a tender heart. God Bless, Pam
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I have tears in my eyes. I think that hit home for me because my little Areyna starts pre-school in just a few short weeks. I CANNOT believe how quickly time passes.
Thanks for sharing=)
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Bittersweet is RIGHT.
Y’all are so lovely and I can’t BEGIN to imagine that first departure. OY.
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Your post brought a tear to my eye! My daughter will begin 6th grade and my son will start 4th. Time goes by so fast so make sure to enjoy every moment!
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Thank you ALL so much for your sweet words of encouragement. Every time I felt a wave of tears coming on, I would go to my computer and reread these.
We survived the day and Ethan had a wonderful day at school. We had a little pizza party for him arranged at home and he said he loved every minute of it.
Thank you again- I don’t know what I would do without you guys! Blogging can be such great therapy for a weepy momma!
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I dread the day!!! I love that your boy is your daughter’s hero…I encourage that in our home, too. My kids are such amazing friends, even at the ages of 2 and 4.
I was told when I was pregnant with #2 that you can manipulate/brainwash your kids into being best friends, and I’ve totally gone with it. “You can’t hit him – he’s your best friend!” or “You have to share with her – she’s your best friend.” So far, so good.
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OK…that’s just precious, but i’ll warn you…don’t blink or he’ll get married. i promise you that one!
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Thank you so much for that post! I’m going to be doing the same thing next week, and probably not holding up as well as you did! My little boy starts school and I still can’t believe it!
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i just wanted you to know that I am still alive and reading.
Oh Amy! I feel your pain……great post. Thanks for showing the raw emotion, it helps so much to know that our blogging friends are real people too.
So glad Ethan had a great day. Is the second day any easier.
I can ONLY imagine how it feels to send one off, but I postively may break down sending my twins to school in threee years……after reading your post I find myself sqeezing them a little tighter.
Many blessings!!!!!!!
Prayers for you!
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((hugs)) for mama!
I am tearing up over here.
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With tears in my eyes…I totally understand. “MY” Ethan is starting kindergarten in two weeks. I totally get it! Thanks for sharing a little bit of your heart with me.
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Oh, Amy. I just found your blog a few minutes ago and I felt so at home almost immediately. What a great site: no bs, honest, heartfelt. Then I discovered the first day of school post — and zap! the tears I have been holding back just started flowing. I SO remember my baby’s first day of school. That big yellow bus. Mon dieu! But now my ‘baby’ is about to be a sophomore in college, and trust me, it is no easier. We’ve had such a mellow summer together. I lured myself into believing that August would never come. Thank you for expressing yourself so beautifully and for letting me remember the very first day I had to let go.
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I am sure your sons’ teacher will know how amazing he is. The best teachers my kids ever had were the ones who were able to see past everything into their heart. When a teacher sees your child for who they really are, nothing can stop your child from becoming the best student and little person they can be in school.
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I don’t think it ever gets any easier. When my oldest daughter started high school, I cried my eyes out watching her walk up the steps on that first day.
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